


Daisy chains and school yard games

by orphan_account



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Anal Sex, Homophobia, Loss of Virginity, M/M, Rimming, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-04
Updated: 2014-01-04
Packaged: 2018-01-07 10:47:59
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 22,959
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1118981
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It never seemed fair to Zayn that people were still so fucking closed-minded that they actually gave a shit about what didn’t concern them. It’s 2014 for fuck’s sake, why do people still care about whether someone is gay or straight or brown or white or male or female, why can’t people just be people?!</p><p>Or the one where Zayn's crush may not be as out of reach as he thinks, Harry wants everyone to just get along, Louis wants Harry, Liam wants approval and Niall just wants everyone's leftovers.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Daisy chains and school yard games

**Author's Note:**

> So this is my first ever fanfic and it took me far longer than I expected. Title taken from The Good Old Days by The Libertines. Enjoy!
> 
> I do not own One Direction. If I did, Zayn would be shagging me, not Liam.

It never seemed fair to Zayn that people were still so fucking closed-minded that they actually gave a shit about what didn’t concern them. It’s 2014 for fuck’s sake, why do people still care about whether someone is gay or straight or brown or white or male or female, why can’t people just be people?!

It went something like this. Zayn first realised he had a crush on Liam when he was twelve years old; short, underdeveloped and feeling hugely out of place in this wide white world. His first day of secondary school was fast approaching and he didn’t share his fears with anyone, not even Harry, which looking back was foolish because Harry would have told him that he was the only one who cared about being different (to him, his skin and hair were a little too dark) and why did it bother him when it didn’t bother the people who cared?

Looking back, Zayn thinks he may have even believed him.

Liam fucking Payne managed to walk into Zayn and his life on this first day on secondary school, blushed bright pink, smiled at him and said “sorry” in possibly the most genuine voice Zayn had ever heard from someone so young and Zayn grinned back and wanted to kiss him.

  
That’s when he knew he was a goner.

Eight years later and Zayn is the tender age of twenty and quite frankly still as arse over tit in love with this stupid, stupid boy as he was in Year Seven. It wasn’t as if there hadn’t been any other boys, or even other girls for that matter, but Zayn couldn’t ever fully commit because for some stupid reason he felt like he was cheating on Liam.

  
They’d spoken on the odd occasion, nothing too dramatic or revealing. They’d shared several classes over the years but had drifted ways when GCSEs hit; Liam favouring maths and business studies over Zayn’s art and music. In sixth form, they’d smile as they passed each other on the way to the common room and spoke at the occasional house party, but then Liam got a girlfriend in the summer between Year 12 and 13 and so Zayn decided the only cure was to fuck half the legal population of the school in the vague hope that someone would fall in love with him and he could love them back and Liam fucking Payne would be forgotten.

Harry would shake his head as he saw yet another smattering of love bites across Zayn’s neck and torso, but Zayn would simply glare back and that one look would be enough for Harry to never say anything on the subject aloud.

Zayn was finally convinced he could shake the clutches that Liam held over his head when he got his offer from his first choice uni. Harry had applied to the same university to study Psychology, Zayn for Fine Art and as far as they knew, they were the only people from their school attending. It was far enough away from home that the two boys felt free, but close enough so that if Harry had one of his crying fits that he was prone to when the world got a bit too much, Gemma could pick him up and hold him close when Zayn would want hold him at arm’s length.

It’s not that Zayn didn’t care about Harry; hell, he loved Harry more than he loved his own family, but he wasn’t great at dealing with emotions. He never had been. He didn’t like to think about why.

When Zayn was twelve years old, he had quietly asked his mother if it was possible for a boy to love another boy in the same way his mum loved his baba. His mother had clapped a hand over his mouth and told him to never repeat that in this house because it wasn’t the kind of thing his father would approve of him so much as thinking about.

  
Eight years later and there was only so many times Zayn could attempt to convince himself that a warm hole was a warm hole, regardless of gender. However, the girls always felt a little too soft, a little too short, smelt a little too flowery.

It wasn’t as though his mother approved of how much he seemed to sleep around, it was more that she seemed pleased that their eight year old conversation had been forgotten, therefore Zayn fucked whichever girl he pleased in his own house and his parents never mentioned it once. It was a mild inconvenience but it never caused any major shit between them.

Two weeks before the start of uni, however, his father walked in on him balls deep in a football player. And yeah, that caused some major shit between them.

  
As Jake scrambled around Zayn’s bedroom collecting his clothes and murmuring frantic apologies to both Zayn and his father, Zayn’s father told him with white hot anger lacing his voice to put some clothes on and to join him in his study.

About three quarters of an hour later, Zayn found himself stood on Harry’s doorstep, eyes overflowing with tears, the words faggot, no son of mine and disgrace repeating themselves over and over in his mind.

He was never to come back, never to see his mother or sisters again. Not until he sorted his sick perversions out.

  
Harry’s hands had balled into fists when Zayn retold him what had happened after Harry had tucked him up in his own king-sized bed, rocking him gently back and forth as he sobbed into Harry’s too-big band shirt.

“Fucking scumbag, he really is, fuck’s sake Zee, I’m so fucking angry, how fucking dare he?! He’s your fucking flesh and blood for the love of Christ!”  
For the next two weeks, Harry let Zayn sleep in his bed, murmuring that they’d be at uni soon and Zayn could be whoever he needed to be there because nobody would know the two of them.

His mother must have known he’d end up at Harry’s, yet never made the effort to find him. Zayn thinks that hurt the most.

Two days before they were due to leave for uni, Zayn had to sneak home to get more clothes, more books, his passport and other important things he’d need if he was never to return. He timed it so nobody was home when he entered, quickly stuffed as much as he could into his sports bag, surveyed his family home for what he assumed would be the last time, then fled before the tears that threatened to spill over could escape. It didn’t feel like home anymore.

His mind wanders back to being thirteen, when he’d tripped over and fallen down the stairs, breaking his wrist. His mother had immediately attempted to rush him to A&E but his father hadn’t let him until he “stopped crying like a baby, dammit Zayn, only little boys and faggots cry, STOP THIS INSTANT.”

Zayn remembers that incident then realises that he had cried more in these past two weeks than he had since he was thirteen.

And with that realisation, he suddenly felt a lot freer. He felt even freer with the further yet frustrating realisation that in those two weeks, his mind hadn’t wandered to Liam fucking Payne once.

*

Harry drives the pair the two and a half hour trip to their new life in his old-as-hell Jeep and the pair step out, leaving their bags in the boot for when they’d been assigned their room keys. They follow the careful instructions to the Student Union, where they give over their names and receive keys and a warm, flirtatious smile from the third year in charge of directing the freshers to their new dorms.

Harry grins back and Zayn has to use all his self-control not to snort into the back of his hand at the blush that crept across the poor girl’s cheeks. Damn Harry Styles and his movie star smile, he thought, trapping these unsuspecting girls under his spell only to be heartbroken when they see him out with his tongue in the mouth of whatever beautiful boy he also manages to trap.

As it turns out, they had been assigned to live in the same building, but that wasn’t saying much as each building housed over a thousand students in various flats of five. They make their way there quickly, passing by Harry’s jeep. It takes Zayn only one trip to get his sports bag, box of books and two bin-bags full of clothes, shoes and his bedding up to his new room, which he unlocked gingerly and stepped inside.

 It's very small and very simple, housing only a bed just slightly bigger than a standard single, a desk, a swivel chair and a wardrobe. Shelves for books were mounted on the walls above his desk and there's a smaller one above his bed, complete with a small light for reading.

Zayn sits on his bed and kicks off his Docs. He made up his new bed quickly, unpacked all his books and hung and folded his clothes, throwing the bin-bags away. He finally unzipped his sports bag, pulling two framed photos out.

One is of him and Harry when they were about six years old, arms around each other’s necks and spaghetti sauce smeared up their faces. Zayn smiles fondly as he puts it on his desk.

The second is of him and his three sisters on his youngest sister’s tenth birthday. He doesn’t smile as he puts this one next to it, just attempts to ignore the pang of sadness he feels as he looks over their smiling faces and tries to forget the fact that he may never see them again.

His thoughts are interrupted by a sharp knock at his door. He trudges across his tiny room and opens his door to see a boy slightly shorter than him, with a Cheshire-cat style grin and a floppy golden fringe peeking out under a burgundy beanie. He’s wearing jeans as bright as his smile and his arms are littered with tattoos that look more like doodles than the artistic pieces that Zayn prides himself on having on his sleeve.

“Alright mate?! I’m Louis, I’m in the room next door!” the lad says enthusiastically, holding out his fist for Zayn to bump. “Hey Louis, I’m Zayn. Zayn Malik.”

“What a sexy, sexy name! Looks like we’re the only two here for now and I’d suggest we explore the rest of the flat but there are literally just five bedrooms and two bathrooms and a kitchen at the very end, so…” He trailed off and grinned again.

Zayn is taken aback by the forwardness of the lad, then realisation dawns on him and he slaps his forehead and his mouth drops open. “Fucking shit, I didn’t even think about kitchen equipment at all.” He furrowed his eyebrows and pulled his phone out of his jeans pocket. “I have no food, no plates, no nothing. I’m such an _idiot_!”

Louis doubles over with laughter at that. “Mate, what the fuck? That’s actually brilliant, oh my Christ!”

Zayn grins in spite of himself as he dials Harry’s number. “Haz, _fuck_ , I forgot kitchen equipment. Like I literally have nothing. You need to drive me to Tesco like now.”

“Zayn you bloody idiot!" There's a pause. "Although come to think of it I should have thought of that for you too. I’ll be down in ten, just chatting with my new neighbour like.” Zayn takes the phone away from his ear and mouths at Louis “Do you need to come?” Louis shakes his head and grins again.

“Sick one, just buzz and I’ll let you in, there’s only two of us here so far at the moment anyway.” He hangs up and puts his phone back in his pocket, grinning sheepishly and scratches the back of his neck.

“My best mate Harry’s also here, you see, he drove me up and all. It’s been a strange few weeks but he’s usually got his head screwed on, should probably slap him for not reminding me about this though,” Zayn chuckles fondly.

Louis laughes again. Zayn finds himself warming to the lad more and more because his presence alone was so bright and enjoyable. “That’s cool mate, these things happen to the best of us. While you’re gone I guess I’ll finish unpacking and hang around in case someone new shows up. I kinda hope they do because my room’s already a shit-tip and I’ve been here all of five minutes.”

They chat idly for another few minutes. Louis' studying English Lit and Drama, is fond of football and drinking and has four sisters. After the short amount of time they’ve spent together Zayn's already pretty certain he’d found a friend in him.

Just then the door buzzes. “That’ll be Harry, can you let him in? I need to grab my wallet, hang on,” Zayn says, standing up from where he’s been leaning against the wall to enter his room.

Louis strides down the hallway and pulls open the door. Zayn reappears just in time to watch the boy’s jaw drop as Harry Styles entered the flat in all his curly gorgeousness, flashing Louis his killer smile and then turning to Zayn and exclaiming “Zaynie my man!”

“I thought we left Zaynie at home, Hazzykins,” Zayn retorts with an eye roll. “Hazzykins, meet Louis, he lives here too. Louis, this is Harry, unfortunately.”

“I see nothing unfortunate here!” Louis cries with a wink. Harry’s smile widens as he shakes Louis’ hand and holds on a little too long. Zayn almost thinks he saw Harry blush until he remembered it was Harry he was talking about and Harry Styles would flirt with any lad under the sun with it having little to no effect on him.

The two continue to banter back and forth as Zayn locks up his room (not that he doesn’t trust Louis, but he’s only known the bloke for twenty minutes) and then drags Harry out the door, who salutes Louis and leaves with a wink.

“Please don’t sleep with my flatmate, I’ve only just met him and he seems nice so I’d like to keep him.” Harry snorts. “What if I want to keep him too?”  
“Harry, when have you ever kept anybody?”

“Oh shut up Zayn, it’s better to fuck and chuck than to get your heart broken at the tender age of nineteen. Although you seem to fuck and chuck and still live in an eternal struggle of heartbreak, how did you manage that?”

“Shut your face.”

They reach Harry’s jeep, Harry unlocks it and the two scramble inside. Zayn googles the location of the nearest Tesco on his iPhone and Harry cranks up The Cribs obnoxiously loud. The ride to the supermarket is short, only five minutes or so and Harry parks up as close as possible, the loud music gaining them a few glares from passing shoppers.

  
Zayn rolls his eyes at Harry again and gets out the car. He fumbles in his wallet for a pound for the trolley and pulls it out of the line. The pair walk into the shop and Zayn realises he has no idea how to cook anything, let alone what you need to put together a sustainable meal.

Harry, on the other hand, rather fancies himself the budding chef and Zayn soon finds his trolley piled high with a wok, several different sized saucepans, a bumper set of plates, six mugs of various patterns and some cutlery with multi-coloured handles.

“Is this stuff for you or for me?” asks Zayn with a raised eyebrow. Harry simply kisses him on the cheek as his response.

They then head to the food section, where Zayn stocks up on rice, bread, milk, tins of soup, tins of spaghetti, a block of cheese, chicken breasts, some ready-made curry sauces, a giant mixed bag of crisps and some frozen veg. He’s just paying up when his eyes drift through the window outside to the car park and his heart nearly stops at the sight of a familiar blue car parked two down from Harry’s.

Harry seems to have disappeared at this point and Zayn finds himself attempting to calm his breathing while simultaneously attempting to pack this stupid amount of kitchen equipment into the flimsy carrier bags the supermarket offers. He finally manages to haul his purchases back into his trolley and is scrabbling in his wallet for his card when he sees a familiar head of curls heading towards him.

“HAZ!” Zayn hisses as he aggressively punches his pin number into the machine then gestures violently to the car outside. Harry takes a minute to process but when he registers he simply smirks. “Zayn Malik, you are an ass,” he shoots back. Zayn gives him an incredulous look as he pulls his card out of the machine, thanks the cashier and steers his trolley with possibly more force than necessary towards the exit.

“Oh Harry, wouldn't it be so wonderful to get away and go to this wonderful uni that’s nice and distanced from everyone and oh Harry finally I won’t have to passive aggressively love Liam Payne from afar anymore because HE’S FUCKING HERE, Zayn, you fucking shit!” Harry sing-songs from behind him.

“Fuck Haz, fuck FUCK!” Zayn looks a little green. “I didn’t know, I swear. I can’t believe… but I thought... just SHIT!” He stops pushing the trolley and looks up at Harry with such a mortified expression that Harry can't help but pull his best friend into a hug.

“It’s gonna be fine Zee, promise. Look, the university campus is fucking huge and this just so happens to be the closest supermarket so it’s not that surprising that…” Harry’s words are cut off by a shout of their names by an achingly-familiar voice.

“Hey Liam, my man!” Harry disentangles himself from Zayn to go over and clap Liam on the back. Liam puts his hands in his pockets and grins shyly at Zayn. “Hey Zayn, Harry. I had no idea anyone else from our school was coming here, let alone two, let alone two of the best ones!”

Zayn has to use all of his self-control to keep his jaw from falling open and his eyes from popping out of his sockets. Liam is shyly scratching the back of his neck, a slight pink blush spreading across his face, his eyes searching Zayn’s face as if seeking out a reply. “I… um…” is all Zayn manages before Harry twigs and steps in.

“Tell me about it! How did you end up here anyway?”

“My father really wanted me to study medicine so that’s what I applied for. Knew I wasn’t smart enough but I tried anyway. Didn’t get the grades so I had a look at all the places going spare. Happened to find one here for primary education. I like to think I’d make a good teacher, I…” Liam paused, clearly unsure whether to continue.

“Sounds sick mate, I reckon you would too! Zayn here is thinking about doing teaching after his degree, he’s doing art though, pretentious tosser.” This time Zayn’s eyes nearly did pop out of his sockets and he considered strangling Harry, before he realised that it was because of Harry that Liam was talking to him right now.

“Wow, Zayn, that’s properly cool. I saw some of your pieces at the school exhibition, thought they were pretty incredible, not that I know much about art, of course, but I love comics and I loved that piece you did on Green Lantern, although I’m more of a Batman fan myself but I still love all comics so I can really appreciate what you did…” He looks up at Zayn and must realise that he’s rambling because he stops short suddenly and that beautiful blush returns.

Liam fucking Payne had just told Zayn he loved comic books and his artwork. Zayn isn’t sure he’s ever going to recover.

Zayn suddenly realises he hasn’t formed a coherent sentence and opens his mouth to do so when Harry jumps in for him.

“What part of campus are you living on, mate? Zayn and I are both in block 23.”

“Well, actually, I… er… because I got my place here late so they put me in a block full of international students. I’ve got two flatmates from Hong Kong, one from France and one from god knows where because she won’t talk,” Liam admits sheepishly. “I hadn’t really thought about what I’m going to do all of fresher’s week because they don’t really seem like the going out types.” He chuckles nervously.

“Why don’t you come out with us?” The words are out of Zayn’s mouth before he can fully comprehend what he’s said. Harry’s eyebrows practically shoot up past his hairline and Liam blushes even deeper, if that was even possible.

“Yeah, I mean, I would, I would really love that, if you don’t mind, I mean, if you don’t want to hang round with some weird bloke you went to school with I fully understand, but…” Liam trails off again but the smile he’s flashing Zayn is something Zayn never wants to stop looking at.

“Great!” Harry jumps in. “Come round to ours around nine then?” He holds out his hand for Liam to give him his phone and he unlocks it and fiddles about with it for a couple of minutes then hands it to Zayn, who inputs his own number with shaky hands.

“Text one of us so we can direct you if you need. Bring plenty of booze or you won’t be allowed in.” Harry winks at Liam as he pulls his car keys out of his jacket pocket and unlocks his car. “C’mon Zayn, move your skinny ass so I can unload your unholy amount of crap into my boot.”

Zayn considers strangling Harry again but then Liam is smiling at him again and he can’t help but smile back. “I’m really glad I know you’re here Zayn, and I really mean that. I’ll see you later.” Liam walks towards his car but Zayn is pretty sure he can still see the blush from here. He pushes the trolley back to the bay in a sort of daze and returns to Harry’s car, opens the passenger side and is engulfed in a huge tangle of Harry’s ridiculously long limbs in seconds.

“MATE!” Harry is practically yelling, “This is the GREATEST THING THAT COULD HAVE POSSIBLY HAPPENED!” Zayn grins despite himself. “The boy you’ve been in love with since year seven loves you back, I could sing for you!”

“Please don’t,” Zayn says warningly, then “Wait, what do you mean loves me back?!”

“He was a babbling mess when he was talking about your artwork, he looked so desperate to impress you and he totally gave you the heart eyes when you invited him round. Which, by the way, I am immensely proud of you for; I never thought you’d have it in you! But yeah, trust me on these things, I am a psychology student, you know," Harry says solemnly. 

“Not yet you’re not, you four-nippled fucker,” Zayn says fondly. “Now drive, I’ve got three hours before Liam comes round and I look like shit.”

The next three hours are spent unpacking his vast amount of kitchen stuff and eating a lasagne with Louis, who had cooked a massive one and saved him a portion, bless his heart. Zayn explained that Harry was coming down around nine and they also had another friend from home coming out with them. Louis didn’t mind at all and seemed thoroughly thrilled at the prospect of more Harry, which Zayn hoped distracted from the way Zayn’s voice shook when he talked about Liam.

He meets his other three new housemates: a lad named Josh and two girls called Josie and Alexa. Josh says he will join the two lads for shots when he finishes unpacking and the two girls vanish pretty soon after introductions, squealing so loud Zayn was pretty sure he was now deaf in his left ear. No wonder he prefers boys, he thinks.

Zayn and Liam have also been texting back and forth. Zayn had nearly thrown up when an unknown number had flashed up on the screen saying _Heyyyy zayn its liam here thanksssss again 4 2night_

Zayn might have known he’d even love the way that Liam texts. Why is adding extra letters just so fucking endearing?!

He had sent over his address and flat number, showered, panicked, restyled his hair three times, changed into his tightest jeans and was knocking back shots with Louis in the kitchen when the buzzer goes off at 8:59.

Louis looks almost startled at the speed at which Zayn runs to answer the door. He takes a deep breath as he exits the kitchen and heads over to the front door. He opens it slowly and lets out a small gasp when he sees just how fucking _ADORABLE_ Liam looks.

He’s smiling that smile again. Zayn doesn’t need to worry about what his face is doing because he can’t help but grin back with equal amounts of enthusiasm. He’s wearing a black plaid shirt, a leather jacket and tight fitting jeans and a pair of black converse. He’s clutching a large expensive bottle of vodka in his left hand and his phone in the other. Zayn wants to kiss him.

“Hey Zayn,” Liam breathes out and blushes again. Zayn gestures him inside and leads him towards the kitchen. Louis is lining up more shots inside, this time of some green looking shit that makes Zayn nervous.

“Louis, this is Liam. He went to my school but he applied late so they’ve stuck him in the international block. Liam, meet Louis.”

Three shots and some slightly awkward chit chat where Zayn really thought he was going to throw up later, the buzzer rang again. Zayn knocked back another shot and stood to answer it, but then the kitchen door banged open and Harry stepped inside, followed by another boy Zayn didn’t recognise and Josh, who’s carrying a large crate of beer.

“This one tells me he belongs to you,” Josh says, flopping into one of the free chairs and pulling the crate onto his lap. Zayn chuckles as a way of agreement as Harry chugs a load of the vodka from Zayn’s bottle while winking at Louis again. “Oh by the way lads, this is Niall, he’s in my flat. He’s Irish!”

Niall tips an invisible hat at them all by way of greeting, before taking an empty seat and accepting the beer that Josh is offering him.

The group make plans to head out around eleven and spend the remaining time chatting about their courses (turned out both Josh and Niall were studying Music Technology) and how they were going to spend the rest of the week.

Harry has practically pulled Louis into his lap by half ten, his chin hooked over the smaller boy’s shoulder. Zayn knows Harry is a handsy drunk and keeps trying to send him warning glances telling him to either back the fuck off or to slow the fuck down. Louis doesn't seem to mind at all, however, so Zayn supposes it's okay.

Zayn excused himself about half an hour before they're meant to go in order to piss. He walks into the bathroom, locks the door and pisses before wriggling back into his jeans and washing his hands. He gives himself a quick once-over in the mirror, tucking a few stray hairs back into his quiff.

Once satisfied that he's as attractive as he could make himself, he unlocks the door and steps outside. Liam is standing in the corridor, wringing his hands nervously. Zayn raises an eyebrow and takes a deep breath.

“Umm Liam, you know he have two bathrooms, right?”

Liam doesn't say anything. Instead, he stops wringing his hands, walks towards Zayn, looks up at him, mumbles something that sounds kind of like “fuck it” and pushes Zayn against the wall with his hands gripping the lapels of his leather jacket, pressing his lips onto Zayn’s.

Zayn’s heart and stomach nearly drop out of him in the shock. However, he’s done enough kissing for his body to respond almost naturally. Then he realised that he was being kissed by the one boy he’d wanted since he was practically a foetus so manages to melt into the kiss, his hands finding Liam’s waist.

They stay locked together until the need for air becomes too great and they pull away from each other, breathing heavily. Liam is flushed the deepest red Zayn had seen him yet as he takes a step back. He looks a mixture of terrified and elated as he opened his mouth.

“Was that okay? I mean I’ve been thinking about that for as long as I can remember but I was convinced it wasn’t meant to be but then I just, I heard Harry yelling from his car that you wanted me to like you, and I do Zayn, so I just…”

Zayn grabs his hips again and silences him with another kiss. It felt SO GOOD, SO FUCKING GOOD, so unlike any other kiss he’d ever had. Liam ran his tongue along Zayn’s bottom lip asking for access and he wraps his arms around Zayn’s neck, bringing him deeper.

The two break away from each other again at the sound of a wolf-whistle from the kitchen door. Harry's stood there grinning like a kid at Christmas. “GET IN MALIK, GET IN!”  
Zayn flips him off but he’s smiling possibly wider than he ever had. “We’re just booking a taxi, but I’ll change the six to four because you two aren’t coming out, oh no, you’re going to have a night of wild animalistic sex and christen your new togetherness.”

Zayn groans and buries his face in his hands but then he feels an arm snake around his waist and pull him in. “We can go out if you want?” Liam says, his eyes wide and beautiful. “I want to do what you want to do, Zayn.”

Zayn grins even wider and grabs his hand, pulling him towards his bedroom, his nervousness evaporating almost entirely. Harry, Niall and Josh all whoop from the doorway and high-five each other before cackling and returning to the kitchen.

Zayn unlocks his door and gently tugs Liam inside. Zayn kisses him again just because he can, slow and deep and happy. When they pull apart for the third time, Zayn gestures to Liam to sit on the bed, where he flops down beside him and says “Explain, Payne.”

Liam flushes again (God, does he flush at every sentence?!) and stutters out “I.. I’ve fancied you since that house party when Matthew Jones got spiked and threw up all over Harry’s shoes and you stopped him from decking him one. That’s when I knew you weren’t the terrifying Zayn Malik that everyone in school made you out to be.”

Zayn’s jaw drops. “I mean, I could never act on it there. I wanted to, GOD I _wanted_ to, but I couldn’t be gay there, I couldn’t. But I've always had feelings for you Zayn, to some extent. You were always the most beautiful person in school but I've never... never really let myself accept the fact I liked boys. Sorry, I’m rambling, this is all a bit deep and personal and stuff for the fact that we’ve really never really spoken and I just really want to kiss you again today and maybe every day for the foreseeable future, could I maybe…?”

Zayn pulls him in again, a firm hand pressed against the back of Liam’s head guiding him. Liam allows Zayn to press him into a lying position and they continue to kiss for a long time.

Zayn feels like all his Christmases and birthdays had come at once. _Liam fucking Payne_ was finally underneath him, he was KISSING LIAM PAYNE and Liam Payne wanted to kiss him every day for the foreseeable future. He could get very used to this.

He pulls away suddenly and looks down at Liam questioningly. “Couldn’t be gay? Why? Harry and I were both very openly sleeping with boys, so were lots of people, hell bloody Jake Griffin is gay as anything and he was on the football team with you so it’s not like they wouldn’t have accepted you.”

Liam looks away from Zayn and smiles gently to himself. Zayn raises an eyebrow until Liam looks up at him again. “Sorry, just I think that’s the most you’ve ever said to me, like ever, and it’s you having a go at me.”

Zayn sits up and pulls Liam up with him, bumping their foreheads together. “Sorry, sorry. It’s just, fuck Liam, you have no idea how long I’ve wanted this for and if you say you’re not allowed to be gay for whatever reason... I don’t want to just be some kind of experiment…”

Liam’s eyes widen in shock and he pulls his head back and cups Zayn’s face in one of his hands. “Never, Zayn, shit no. It’s just… “

Zayn kisses him again. “You don’t have to tell me now, as long as you tell me eventually.”

“You wanna keep me around then?”

“For as long as possible, definitely,” Zayn says sincerely, gripping gently onto Liam’s wrist.

Liam’s grin reaches his ears and he pulls the two of them back into their previous position, connecting their lips once more.

The next morning, Zayn feels unfairly hungover considering he didn’t go out and the fact that he sobered up considerably after his kiss with Liam.

His kiss with Liam.

He kissed Liam. And Liam had stayed the night. And Liam was lying in his bed nearly naked because sleeping in shirts and jeans isn’t fun. And Liam is still there, lying on his stomach, one arm thrown over Zayn’s back and one cushioning his sleeping face. Zayn pinches himself to make sure this isn’t actually a dream, watches him sleep until he deems the amount of time creepy, gently pries the arm off him, slips out of his room to pee and clean his teeth, feeling giddy as fuck.

He finds Louis in the kitchen, nursing a mug of tea and also looking slightly less than one hundred percent.

“Good night?” Zayn asks as he filled the kettle. He has no idea if Liam drank tea or coffee so he decides to make one of each, praying Liam was a tea man.

“Mate, it was killer! Your mate Harry sure knows how to drink. I don’t remember the last time I felt this shit after a night out.” Louis stands up and stretches, then walks over to his cupboard and pulls out a box of Coco Pops. “What about you and loverboy? Seems like that was a long-time coming. Harry wouldn’t stop going on about how proud he was of you all night.”

Zayn grins. “It’s just…" He knows he doesn’t know Louis that well but he’s living with him now and he’s definitely someone Zayn would call his friend, so he continues. “Louis I’ve liked him for so long, like we’re talking pretty much all of secondary school and then some, and I had no idea he was coming here and it just feels, I dunno, do you believe that things happen for a reason?”

Louis looks up at him from where he’s pouring milk into the biggest bowl of cereal Zayn has ever seen. “Getting a bit deep mate, I’m not sure I can take it when I feel this fucking crap.” Zayn snorts.

“Yeah fair enough, maybe I’m looking too much into it.” He pours the boiling water into the mugs in front of him and grabs a teaspoon from the drawer. “We haven’t even defined what we are yet.”

Louis stands up with his bowl and mug and pushed open the door with his bum. “Look mate, I’ve known you less than twenty-four hours, right? And I can already tell you’re completely arse over elbow for this boy so if you don’t go in there and make it official I will lock you out the flat for the rest of the year, you understand me?”

Picking up both mugs, Zayn follows behind Louis and says “Thanks Lou, means a lot.”

“I didn’t say anything any of your other friends wouldn’t have said, or should have said. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have a very important date with Lady Netflix, so go get him, Tiger.”

Zayn goes back into his bedroom and puts both mugs on the desk. Liam is still fast asleep, so Zayn gets his laptop out of his sports bag and loads it up. He plugs his phone into its charger and scrolls through his texts. He has nine new ones, all from Harry in his drunken stupor, saying things like _a gentleman always swallows x_ and _zayn would you kill me if i snogged louis x_ and finally _shit i kissed this girl instead and ive pissed him off zayn help x_

Zayn laughs aloud at that one, which causes Liam to roll over and blink at him sleepily. He looks a bit confused but then a huge grin spreads across his face as he registers where he is and who he’s with.

“Good morning, sleepyhead,” Zayn says as he picks up both mugs. “Tea or coffee?”

“Tea please, and good morning yourself,” says Liam, rubbing his eyes before reaching out for the mug. Zayn sits back in his desk chair and finally takes the sip of coffee he’s been dying for.

They drink their drinks in a comfortable silence for a few minutes until Liam grabs his jeans from the floor and shuffles barefoot towards the bathroom.

  
He returns a few minutes later as Zayn is scrolling through Facebook waiting for his return. He turns around as he hears the door open and Zayn stands up as Liam walks towards him and kisses him firmly.

“Been wanting to do this since I woke up but alcohol and morning breath…” Liam trails off and grins sheepishly. Zayn chuckles and kisses Liam again and again and again until they’re both breathless and half-hard.

“Shit!” Liam curses, his cheeks returning to that delicious pink colour. He looks at Zayn shamefacedly. “I don’t... I mean I haven’t... not yet anyway, I’m sorry.”

Cupping his face in both his hands, Zayn kisses him on the nose. “Don’t worry about it, babe, we haven’t even called this as a relationship, I don’t expect to be jumping into your pants just yet.”

Liam looks at him hopefully. “Can this be a relationship though? I mean, I know uni is meant to be your time for experimenting and everything but I kinda don’t want to if you don’t want me to. Or we could just start seeing each other, I don’t mind.”

“Been there, done that,” Zayn replies, his hands still cupping Liam’s face. “I’ve been waiting all my teenage life for you to ask me this. I’d love to be your boyfriend, Liam, if you’ll have me.” Liam plants a bruising kiss on Zayn’s lips as a reply.

After a few more minutes of kissing, Liam pulled away somewhat reluctantly. “I’d better go home and shower, but I’d, can I come back tonight? Hopefully we’ll make it out this time.”

“’Course you can babe, wouldn’t have it any other way. Same time as last night?”

“Excellent, I’ll see you tonight then.” Liam plants a final kiss on Zayn’s cheek and pulls his shirt on as he leaves the room. Zayn waits until he hears the front door close until he lets out an incredibly girly squeal of excitement. He waits until his heart has stopped beating in his throat and Louis’ laughter through the paper thin walls has died down before he grabs his phone and dials Harry’s number.

Harry answers his phone with a series of curse words and a sneeze. “Screw you Malik, I was asleep, you _prick_.” Then like he suddenly remembered his duties as a best friend he asks “How was he? Worth the wait? Was he as big as everyone makes out?”

“Fuck you,” Zayn says without malice. “We didn’t have sex, we just kissed for ages and talked about everything and we’re kind of a couple.” He bites his lip and tries not to smile as wide as he is as Harry lets out a shriek and screams “PRAISE JESUS, OR ALLAH IF YOU’D PREFER, YIPPEEEEEE!”

“He’s coming out again with us tonight. I’m just, Haz I’m so fucking happy, I can’t even…”

“Look, I’m buying you lunch to celebrate, I’ll be down in half an hour. I really need to shower and I really need to clean my teeth and I should probably ask this beautiful woman sharing my bed to leave.”

“You bought a girl back?!”

“Yes, oops. When’s a good time to mention I’m gay?”

The shrill shriek that resonated down the phone told Zayn that now was probably a good time to hang up the phone. He laughes and sends Liam a quick text. Miss you already. Harry bought girl back, having to explain that he’s gay sounds like it’s going down a treat xx

True to his word, Harry buzzes on the flat door 35 minutes later, looking disgustingly chipper for someone who had gotten drunk as hell the night before and pulled. He was, however, sporting several large love-bites, which he was pathetically trying to hide behind a thin striped scarf, definitely more for fashion than warmth.

He lunges at Zayn the second the door was open wide enough for him to fit through and squeezes him so tight that struggles to breathe for a second. They walk to Harry’s car with Zayn filling Harry in on all the details of last night. Harry seems as confused as he is about why Liam couldn’t be gay at home, until they got into the car when he slapped Zayn’s arm.

Zayn stares at Harry and then at his arm with an over exaggerated shocked look until Harry blurted out “what about Liam’s parents? Are they homophobic, maybe?”

  
Zayn shrugs but Harry’s right, that is a very real possibility. He promised Liam that he’d let him explain when the time is right, however, so he tells Harry not to push it and they drop the subject.

Once they get back from lunch, Zayn heads back up to his flat and into the kitchen. His other four flatmates are in there and he realises he hasn’t spoken much to the girls, so decides to stay and make small talk. He realises pretty soon however that the two girls are trying to painfully flirt with him with Louis and Josh watching and sniggering every time one of them attempts to touch him. He rolls his eyes as subtly as he can (which is completely unsubtle because they both notice and look quite offended), which causes Louis and Josh to laugh even harder.

The three lads spend the afternoon is Josh’s room, playing FIFA and drinking beers. By seven o’clock, Zayn is feeling pleasantly buzzed and looking forward to his night out with his new friends and Liam.

He and Liam have been texting back and forth throughout the day, nothing particularly deep or important but Zayn is just happy to be talking to him. When he receives a text at ten past seven saying _coming over noowww cant w8 anyyyy longer 2 seeee youuuu xx_ Zayn can’t help thinking that he really is the cat that got the cream AND the canary.

  
Liam arrives looking just as handsome as Zayn remembers. He pulls him into the flat and snogs him good and proper in full view of Josie and Alexa who are standing in the kitchen with the door propped open with another group of girls Zayn doesn’t recognise. He grins as he watches their mouths drop practically to the floor, then pulls Liam in the direction of his bedroom once again.

They lie on Zayn’s bed until their jaws ache, kissing and talking and kissing and exploring. Zayn learns that Liam has two sisters who he’s really close to, parents with high expectations and a dog named Loki, because he loves comic books. He asks Zayn about his family but Zayn kisses him firmly and just mutters “soon, not now.” Liam seems to understand and instead attaches his lips to Zayn’s collar bone.

Later that evening, Harry practically banged down Zayn’s door and dragged him into the kitchen to do more shots with him and Niall and Louis and Josh and the group of girls from earlier. Liam let’s Zayn sit in his lap and Zayn can’t quite believe this is happening and that right now this is his life. He’s happy. And later when they go out and dance and kiss and Liam comes back with Zayn for the second night and they kiss some more and strip down to their boxers and Liam pulls Zayn into his arms and joins their hands, Zayn wonders if he’s dreaming because this is all he’s wanted for as long as he can remember.

*

Six days. That’s all it takes for it all to crumble. Zayn wonders yet again when people started giving a fuck about things that don’t fucking concern them, but it takes one little comment and Liam is retreating and Zayn feels helpless.

They’re out on the last night of fresher’s week. Zayn is feeling pleasantly buzzed from several shots and he’s holding tightly to Liam’s hand, afraid to lose him in the throng of people. Liam leans across Zayn and murmurs to him that he’s going to the loo and that he’ll be back in a minute. Zayn pecks him lightly on the lips and Liam smiles as he walks away from the group.

Zayn is standing with Niall away from the crowds so it’s easier for Liam to spot them when he gets back. The pair are laughing at something Harry had said earlier when they hear a crash and shouts from the direction of the toilets. Zayn spins around in time to see someone shoving Liam into the crowd, shouting “get the fuck out of here, you faggot!”

  
Zayn growls low in his throat in anger and he and Niall shove through the crowd to wear Liam is standing, unsure of what to do and shaking slightly. He reaches out for his boyfriend’s hand but it’s snatched away in an instant. Liam looks at Zayn desperately before he runs a hand over his head and runs towards the exit.

Niall has gone up to the bloke who shoved Liam and is shouting in his face. Torn between whether to chase Liam or saving Niall, who is at least a head shorter and about 20kg lighter than the offender, Zayn decides to grab Niall. He drags him away, but Niall struggles and snaps that “cunts like that need to be taught a lesson. Ignorant bastards!”

They find Harry and Louis on the way out, who have apparently put all confusion aside and are grinding up against each other, Louis’ arm hooked round Harry’s neck and Harry’s lips attached to the side of Louis’ neck. Zayn pulls Harry off, who looks angry for a second until he sees Zayn’s face and realises something bad has happened.

Zayn hurries outside and dials Liam’s number, but it goes straight to voicemail. Harry rings Josh to see if he’s seen him, but Josh says he’s still inside with the girls and hadn’t even realised there was a fight. Zayn leans against the wall and sags, feeling utterly defeated.

He rings Liam another thirteen times before he gives up and gets in a cab with the others. Liam must have gone back to his own flat, he assumes, which is something he’s never done; he’s spent every night in Zayn’s bed since uni started.

He half-expects Liam to be waiting for him when he gets back but isn’t too surprised when he isn’t. Louis rubs his back and they sit in the kitchen for a bit, Zayn willing himself not to cry as Louis makes a strong coffee to calm his shaking nerves.

Zayn wants to ask about him and Harry but can’t find it in him to form coherent sentences. What if this has fucked up what he was convinced is the greatest thing to happen to him? It’s not like they were in a long term relationship, but it had felt a lot longer than a week. Finally, he manages to form some words.

  
“Do you think this is it?”

Louis sighs. “Well, it’s only been a week but you wouldn’t know it. You two have something, something people look for their whole lives, corny as that sounds. But seriously, that boy does care about you a hell of a lot, so let’s hope this is just a temporary setback.”

Zayn manages a small smile at that. Louis hugs him tight as he leaves the kitchen to head back to his room, where he curls up into his empty bed fully clothed. His bed isn’t really big enough for two fully grown boys to be sharing but right now it’s never felt bigger.

Eventually Zayn falls into a dreamless and restless sleep, his mind overflowing with scenarios he wills won’t come true and so, so much anger at the world.

  
He doesn’t see Liam until the following evening. He wants to go to Liam’s flat and just hold him but he realises that he doesn’t actually know where Liam lives, having never been to his flat.

Fresher’s week is officially over and lectures actually start tomorrow, which is Monday. He and Louis head to the library to register themselves as students and to print out their timetables. Zayn finds he actually has quite a free schedule, only nine hours of lectures and seminars then the rest of his time is for free reign of studio space and product development.

They spend the rest of the day in Josh’s room playing FIFA again with Niall and Harry. Harry and Louis are a lot more touchy-feely than they’d been before and when their team beat Niall and Josh’s, Louis launches himself at Harry and sucks a love bite onto his neck.

Zayn fully expects Harry to push Louis off (he’s always had a strict rule about no marks) (the amount of times he would have a go at Zayn for coming home with a neck full was just ridiculous) but Harry just laughs into it and gently pulls Louis’ mouth up from his neck onto his lips. The other three look at each other and Zayn rolls his eyes exasperated, until Harry moans loudly into the kiss and Niall grabs Josh’s pillow and starts smacking them with it.

He’s laughing loudly when he hears the buzzer go off and then his breath hitches in his throat. Josie gets to the door before he does though and she shouts “Zayn, your better half is here!”

Zayn slowly walks across Josh’s room, not looking at the others and opens the door carefully. Liam is standing wearing one of Zayn’s hoodies and a pair of sweatpants, both hands on the back of his neck. He doesn’t smile when Zayn walks out of Josh’s room and he flinches ever so slightly as Zayn walks towards him and places a hand on his arm.  
“Li…”

Liam kisses him. It’s all teeth and tongue and it misses his mouth on the first attempt but he’s taken his hands of the back of his neck and wraps them around Zayn’s waist, attempting to pull him closer.

Zayn is rather taken aback and starts to kiss back before his brain catches up and he puts a hand on Liam’s chest and gently pushes him away. Liam’s eyes fill with hurt and he takes a step back, looking at his shoes.

“I’m so sorry,” he whispers.

“Babe, no, you don’t have anything to apologise for,” says Zayn firmly.

“I do though! I was so humiliated and I took it out on you and I didn’t think I could face you but then I realised how much I missed you and I just… shit, Zayn…”

Liam looks so upset and hurt that Zayn thinks he might cry. Gently, he wraps his fingers around Liam’s wrist and pulls him towards his own bedroom, where he lays him on the bed and wraps his arms around him so Liam is laying flush against his chest and doesn’t say anything until Liam’s breathing steadies and he rolls over as best he can in the too-small bed.

“I freaked out, okay? Just… I’m not _allowed_ to be gay. I’ve always known I’m not.” Zayn feels something tighten in his chest and he looks away from Liam’s eyes. “But I want to be okay with it. I’m, I’m trying to be okay with it. I want to be who I am, with you. And so when I’m finally getting more okay with being out with you and kissing you for people to see and stuff and then for someone to throw it back at me was just really hard.” He moves his hand up to Zayn’s face and cups it, trying to bring his face level with his once more.

Tears are threatening to spill from Zayn’s eyes and Liam’s own eyes widen when he notices. “Zayn, no please Zee, don’t cry, please!” he says desperately. “Why are you crying, Zee, please don’t, please?!”

“Why are you so afraid of being gay, Li? Am I going to be your dirty little uni secret? Back home will you not acknowledge me anymore? Because I can’t Liam, I can’t ha…”

  
Liam presses his lips onto Zayn’s again, gently yet firm. When he pulls back, his eyes are full of panic again and he shakes his head wildly.

“I’ve only been in one relationship before and that didn't last anytime at all, I mean we didn't even sleep together so I don’t really know how they’re supposed to go. I don’t... but this feels way more than just a week of snogging, don’t you think? This… us… could really matter, Zayn, I think we both know that, so I just… I just need time, okay? Time to get my head around how much you mean to me, because the answer is a lot, a hell of a lot and it’s just a lot to take in right now because nine days ago I was still playing the straight boy act with my parents. I don’t think right now they can take me being a disappointment and a let -down AND gay. I know it’s not fair but that’s how they are and I’m sorry but don’t you ever, EVER think you’re my dirty little secret, okay?”

Zayn remains silent as the tears continue to slide silently down his cheeks. He cannot fucking believe he is crying in front of Liam but he can’t help it, because twenty minutes ago he was convinced he would never hold this boy ever again and now this boy, this beautiful, delicate, terrified boy is pouring his heart out to him and telling him words he’s wanted to hear since he was a child.

“Can you, can you say something please? You’re kinda scaring me Zayn…”

Zayn takes a deep breath and finally looks up at Liam. “You ramble a lot with me, you know that?”

Liam’s eyebrows shoot up and he swallows nervously. “I pour my heart out to you and you have a go at me for rambling?!”

Zayn laughs softly. “Sorry, babe, I really am. You’re just adorable.”

He presses his lips into an indignant Liam’s, who eventually breaks and melts into the kiss, moaning gently from the back of his throat. He eventually makes the effort to deepen the kiss, moving his hands up to Zayn’s cheeks and pressing his tongue insistently into his mouth.

They stay wrapped around each other for a long while, Zayn aiming to get everything he’s thinking across in the kisses. Eventually the need for air becomes too much and Zayn pulls back but he keeps his forehead resting against Liam’s, smiling shyly.

The pair eventually settle into each other, stripping down to just their boxers and snuggling into each other, murmuring absolute nothings into each other’s mouths. Zayn allows sleep to gradually overtake him and he sleeps better that night that he thinks he ever has.

The tinny sound of Marimba interrupts his rest and he swears quietly as he attempts to recall his surroundings and why on earth a bloody alarm is going off in the first place. It suddenly comes crashing down on his that he does actually have classes now, fuck it all, and so rubs his eyes sleepily and rubs his hands over Liam’s bare chest in an attempt to wake him up.

“Li, Li babe, it’s Monday morning and I have my first class, c’mon babe, c’mon you’ve gotta let me move.” Liam just grunts and attempts to pull Zayn closer. Damn him, he’s strong even in his sleep. Zayn groans and attempts to shove him off in a less than delicate way as the incessant pressing of his bladder strengthens.

  
Liam’s eyes finally open and he looks thoroughly miserable. “ _Zaaaaaayyyyynnnnnn!_ ” he whines, attempting to wrap his arms around Zayn’s frame, which is desperately sliding down the bed in a bid for freedom.

Zayn simply grins as he exits the room, padding towards the bathroom. He slips inside, empties his bladder, has a quick shower and hair wash and cleans his teeth. He wraps a towel around his waist and heads back to his bedroom, flipping Josh the bird as he wolf-whistles on his way to the kitchen.

Liam is sat up in bed as he walks back into his bedroom, scrubbing his hands up and down his face in an attempt to shift the sleep. Zayn grins and leans down to kiss him on the cheek, which causes Liam’s face to redden slightly in the way Zayn loves.

Zayn pulls some clean boxers out of his drawer, then grabs his jeans from the floor and pulls them on. Finally, he grabs a clean t-shirt from the pile in his wardrobe, pulling it over his head and running his hands through his still-damp hair.

Liam is wearing a shit-eating grin when he gets out of bed to wrap his arms around Zayn’s waist and nip gently at his earlobe. Zayn feels a noise leave his throat involuntarily and he snuggles back into his boyfriend gently, not wanting Liam to ever stop holding him like this.

  
After five minutes of holding each other, which gradually turned to some pretty heated snogging, Zayn pulls away, wipes the back of his hand over his mouth and says “I can’t be late on my first day, Liam, I’ve really gotta go!”

Liam groans. “Urgh fineeee, but I’ll see you later, won’t I?”

“Of course you will, babe.” Zayn gives him one final quick and chaste kiss, grabs his rucksack from where it’s sitting under his desk and leaves the room with a little salute.

  
It takes him longer than anticipated to find his first lecture theatre of the day but he manages, cursing whichever higher power gave him a 9am lecture in the back end of beyond on his first day. The lecture itself is mainly just a general summary of his course and what’s expected of him. Looking around, there are only about fifty other students, which is a lot fewer than Zayn had expected.

“And now I’d like for you to turn to the person beside you and introduce yourself. Don’t be shy now!” calls up the lecturer.

Zayn turns to his right, where there’s a girl sitting two seats down from him on the end seat. He scoots over and closes the gap between them, extending his hand.

“Hello there, I’m Zayn,” he says.

“I’m Imogen,” she replies with a grin. There’s silence for a few moments, where Zayn is very aware at the awkward tension that’s filling the room. They catch each other’s eyes again and start to giggle. “This is absolutely horrific!” she chuckles.

Zayn decides he likes her. She’s very pretty, with long brown hair tied up in an elaborately high ponytail, a kind of pixie looking face, stretched earlobes and various small tattoos covering her exposed skin.

The two spend the rest of the lecture chatting about the reasons they chose art and are just admiring each other’s tattooed forearms when the lecturer signals that their time is up. They walk outside together and exchange phone numbers before walking in separate directions. Zayn doesn’t have anything until four pm so decides to head back to his flat.

Liam isn’t there when he gets back so he sits in the kitchen chatting to Josh and eating leftover curry. At half three Zayn heads off to find his next lecture theatre, where he finds Imogen and a few others outside smoking. He learns the names of a few people on his course (although he’s sure he’s forgotten them all by the time he’s toeing out his cigarette and heading inside).

And so he falls into a comfy enough routine; getting up, heading to lectures, having long-ass breaks between lectures so coming back to the flat and cooking and chatting with Josh and Louis and Niall and Harry, Liam coming round after his lectures and then the lads all playing FIFA, watching films or playing drinking games. Liam stays over every night and Zayn finally, finally, starts to feel settled in his life for the first time since he can remember.

*  
Before Zayn has time to truly process what’s happening, December is here and term finishes in two weeks. Louis is a big ball of excitement, decking out the flat in vast amounts of tinsel and paper snowflakes. Zayn can’t help but laugh as he watches Louis have to stretch even while standing on a stack of chairs to hang up the tinsel across their kitchen windows.

Harry asks Zayn to come home with him for Christmas. Zayn tells him that he’ll think about it – he never really celebrated Christmas back home because it wasn’t part of his religion and he didn’t really want to rely on Harry’s generosity for three weeks when he felt that they’d done more than enough for him already.

Liam was also heading back home for the three weeks, although he seems pretty down whenever Zayn asks him about it. It seems that Liam has hardly spoken to his family all term, Liam still feeling quite hurt at the fact that he’s convinced he’s a huge disappointment to them.

He confesses this to Zayn one night when they’re making out lazily on Zayn’s bed. Zayn holds him impossibly closer as he babbles on about how he hasn’t actually rung his mum in well over a month and how he’s scared that he won’t be able to hide the fact that he’s gay now that he’s so happily involved.

Zayn, however, is well aware of Liam’s internalised homophobia and is also confident that Liam will hide Zayn from his family because he’s just so scared. They’ve been together just over two months now and while he’s happier than he’s ever been in his life but he’s also got a major case of the blue balls. He’s been sleeping in the same bed as the man he’s hugely attracted to for pretty much their entire relationship, yet Liam is reluctant to go further than kissing.

They’re both healthy young men, so it’s inevitable that after any heavy make-out session, often one or both will get hard. Zayn’s always eager to help his boyfriend out, but Liam just blushes that damn red colour and sheepishly pushes Zayn’s hands away before waddling to the bathroom.

Zayn does put this down to whatever fear Liam still holds in the back of his mind about being gay, which makes him feel kinda hurt, like Liam doesn’t trust him enough.  
“Zayn? Are you even listening?” Liam says, eyes searching over his boyfriend’s face in an attempt to snap him out of his reverie.

“Shit, sorry babe, I was just thinking,” Zayn says, rubbing his fingers deftly across Liam’s cheeks.

“What about?”

“You and me. Me sucking you off mainly.”

Liam chokes on thin air. “Zayn!” he hisses. “You can’t just say things like that!”

Zayn props himself up on his elbows. “Why not, Li? I’m your boyfriend, we’re alone, I want you, why is that so wrong?”

“Because… because… I just…”

“Don’t you trust me? Don’t you want me to do this for you?”

Liam’s blush reaches his hairline. “It’s just, I’ve never… and you have and I just… I don’t want it to be bad, which obviously it will be but I’m such a… you’re just so perfect and I’m so…”

Zayn kisses him to shut him up, long and slow and gentle. “You know I don’t care if you’ve never done it before, right? I love you for you, what you can do with your mouth is just a bonus.”

He winks and then he realises what he’s just said and audibly gulps, eyes going wide and he sits up and runs his hands through his hair.

Liam’s just lying there with his mouth open and his blush deepening. Neither of them says anything until Liam whispers “I love you too. I’m pretty sure I always have.”

Zayn’s grin nearly splits his face in half and he grabs Liam’s face in both his hands and kisses him with bruising force, nearly pushing him off the bed. Liam kisses back with equal passion and his hands wrap around Zayn’s neck and pull him impossibly closer. Zayn slides his hands down from Liam’s face and places one hand on his waist, using the other to palm Liam through his jeans.

Liam gasps and throws his head back as Zayn’s grip tightens. “Do you trust me, babe?” Zayn whispers against his mouth, moving his hands to undo Liam’s belt.

Liam looks more terrified than Zayn’s ever seen him but he nods quickly and ruts up into Zayn’s hand. Zayn grins again as he pulls down Liam’s zip and shoves his jeans and boxers down to his thighs, exposing his half hard cock. Zayn moves his head down and positions himself between Liam’s legs. He wraps a hand around Liam’s dick experimentally and Liam makes a sound low in his throat that Zayn wants to hear on replay for the rest of his life.

He gives it a few dry tugs and then bends down further to place a small kiss on the tip. Liam looks down at him with wide eyes, his breathing erratic. Zayn takes the tip in his mouth and suckles gently for a few moments before pulling off and licking a long strip from base to tip. Liam groans and covers his face with his hands, his head falling back into the pillows.

Zayn continues to work him with his mouth, using his hand to work what his mouth can’t quite reach. He can hear Liam’s breathing speed up so he pulls off and begins to jerk him off saying “you look so beautiful like this, baby, so beautiful. So glad I’m the first person to make you look like this, to do this to you, fuck you’re mine!”

Liam whimpers out “ _Zaynnnnn_!” and cums without warning all over Zayn’s hand. Zayn leans down and licks his hand and the tip of Liam’s dick clean, then stretches up and snogs Liam, making sure he presses deep so Liam can taste himself on Zayn’s tongue. Liam kicks his jeans and boxers to the floor and then breaks the kiss gently to pull off his sweat-stained shirt.

Liam pulls Zayn’s head against his chest and just holds him there while he struggles to get his breathing back to normal. After a while, the deep breathing turns into a laugh.

Zayn tilts his head up to look into Liam’s eyes and Liam suddenly flips them over and kisses Zayn deep as he presses him down into the mattress. He breaks apart and hovers above him for a few moments before he says “Wow. Just wow.”

Zayn beams up at him and says “I love you, you know. I’d do that to you every day, if you’d let me.”

Liam laughs and kisses him again. “I’d like it if we could arrange that.” His facial expression changes from elated to shy suddenly and Zayn looks confused until Liam blurts out “can I do you now?”

It’s Zayn’s turn to flush red and he pauses for a few minutes before he says “Only if you want to babe, there’s really no rush. We have forever.”

Liam’s face shifts to determined. “No, no, I want to. I probably won’t be very good. GOD, I bet you can’t believe your bad luck that you fell for such a virgin.” He spits the last word out like it’s an insult and hangs his head.

“Hey, hey! I really don’t care if you’re a virgin or not, I still want you, only you,” Zayn says, shaking his head. Liam positively beams back and he takes a couple of deep breaths before pulling Zayn’s shirt over his head and then reaching down and unzipping Zayn’s impossibly tight jeans.

Zayn wriggles out of the offending garment and slides his boxers down in one smooth motion and drags Liam’s head back up for another kiss. He’s almost impossibly hard and it’s been so long since he’s had anything than sneaky wanks in the shower that he’s not sure he’s going to last much longer than Liam had managed.

Zayn ruts up against Liam’s thighs, desperate for some friction but reluctant to break the filthy kiss he and Liam are currently locked in. Liam gasps into Zayn’s mouth and grinds down, his dick slowly filling up again.

“C’mon Liam babe, you can do it again, do it for me,” murmurs Zayn. Their dicks slide together and Zayn is close, so close, then Liam reaches between them and grabs both their cocks in one of his giant hands and tugs them in sync. The glorious friction causes Zayn to moan filthily and it only takes a couple more minutes of Liam’s jerking combined with Liam latching onto Zayn’s neck, sucking and biting, before Zayn feels himself spasm and let go, shooting ribbons of white all over Liam’s stomach and fist. His boyfriend comes just seconds later, breaking away from Zayn’s neck to throw his head back in ecstasy.

“Fucking CHRIST, am I going to have to put up with this all year, you bloody slags?!” comes Louis’ voice through the walls.

“Absolutely, now fuck off you pervert!” Zayn calls back and Liam presses his forehead against his, laughing into his mouth.

Zayn reaches around blindly and finds a discarded t-shirt, which he uses to clean off Liam’s belly before Liam flops down beside him, looking shattered but a lot happier than Zayn’s ever seen him.

The two kiss lazily for a while and eventually fall asleep, completely spent and wrapped up in each other.

*  
After that night, their relationship seems to go from strength to strength. Liam becomes more confident in what he wants and Zayn loves picking up on the little things, like how much Liam really likes having his balls fondled. Likewise, Liam learns how much Zayn loves having his nipples played with and how kissing that spot on Zayn’s neck makes him a quivering mess.

They haven’t gone any further than blowjobs, however, but Zayn is fine with that. Watching Liam learn is something he finds incredibly endearing and if anything it makes him fall even deeper every day.

Zayn was still in two minds about what to do over Christmas. He really didn’t want to be on his own and Harry insisted the offer was still there, plus now there was the added Liam factor. He was just worried about either bumping into a member of his family in Tesco or something, which he didn’t voice, but Harry knows him too well, so just wraps him in a hug and tells him that his family is him and Louis and Niall and Josh and especially Liam now, so fuck the past.

Liam asks him one night in a small voice why he’s so reluctant to go home and he freezes, unsure of what to say. He knows Liam was reluctant to tell him about his family problems at first but it hadn’t taken him long at all to confide in Zayn but for some reason Zayn just can’t find it in him to explain it to Liam. He doesn’t want Liam to feel bad about pouring his heart out about how he thinks his family might react when he already knows how his family did and just how final that reaction was.

“I… my family and I have a very complicated relationship, that’s all. We’ve never really celebrated Christmas and I haven’t… we haven’t spoken all term and I don’t think we’re ever really going to speak again…” His voice cracks and he trails off, looking up at Liam, hoping his look conveys the message that he doesn’t want to continue. Liam seems to understand and doesn’t press, choosing instead to kiss Zayn breathless.

Louis is a constant bundle of energy in the last week because he’s only been once all term and he misses his little sisters like crazy. Niall, likewise, has had his flight back to Ireland since the second week of term and is eating more than usual, if that’s possible, which he explains to the others is a trick to stretch his stomach so he can eat more on Christmas day. Zayn just rolls his eyes fondly and ruffles the blonde boy’s hair as he shovels down yet another plate of curry.

The day before they’re both set to head home, Liam seems in a tetchy mood. Zayn only has one class that day at eleven am, so plans to pack when he gets back that afternoon. But when he walks through his bedroom door, he finds Liam still there. He opens his mouth to ask how come he’s skipping his classes (Liam is always too nervous to skip) when Liam is suddenly crowding his space and kissing him up against the door.

Zayn starts to panic because Liam is strong and suddenly it’s not the boy he loves kissing him, it’s a strong man pinning him painfully against the door, biting harshly at his bottom lip. Zayn gently attempts to push him away and when Liam finally does, his eyes are full of hurt and worry.

“Babe?” Zayn questions. Liam turns around and goes to sit back on his bed, his face buried in his hands and his knees drawn up to his chest.

Liam isn’t quite crying, but he is shaking violently and Zayn thinks he might start crying if he keeps working himself up in this way. Zayn pulls his hands away from his face and brushes light kisses over his knuckles. Liam’s still shaking but his breathing is returning to a normal speed, which Zayn is thankful for.

“Liam, baby, are you going to tell me what’s wrong? You’re really scaring me,” says Zayn in a worried tone.

There’s silence for a few moments before Liam takes a deep breath and begins babbling. “I… I just spoke to my mum on the phone, you know, just about tomorrow and what time I’d be home and stuff and then she was just asking about classes this morning and why I hadn’t gone and I said I’d woken up but then you’d gone and I’d just fallen back asleep and she was like who’s Zayn and I panicked and I hung up on her and I’m sorry, Zayn, I’m so sorry…” He’s full-on hyperventilating now and Zayn can’t do anything but sit there murmur that it’s going to be okay and kiss his knuckles over and over again while he attempts to regulate his breathing.

The silence is interrupted by a phone vibrating loudly against the hard wood of the desk. Liam’s head whips round and he practically flings himself across in order to see who it is.

 “Oh god, it’s my dad. Oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god!” Liam babbles and presses REJECT before Zayn can tell him not to. Zayn steps off the bed and gently wraps his arms around his boyfriend’s waist, resting his head against Liam’s shoulder.

“He’s going to call again, he’s going to call again and I need to tell him, I should tell him but I can’t, Zayn, I just can’t, what if he hates me, what if they reject me, what if…”  
Zayn sighs. “Then they reject you. It’s… it’s really not so bad.” He hopes his voice doesn’t betray the fact that there’s nothing worse in the world because he doesn’t want Liam to panic even more.

It clearly has betrayed him though because Liam’s eyes widen in shock and realisation and he claps a hand over his mouth. “You mean you’ve, you’ve let me go on and on all term about how it would be the worst thing ever if my family reject me and all this and you never mentioned that… that… _fuck_ Zayn!”

Liam wraps Zayn in his arms and the two boys just stand there clinging to each other for a long time, Zayn crying silently into Liam’s chest and Liam crying into the top of Zayn’s head. After what seems like an age Zayn mumbles “we must look a right sorry state” and Liam chuckles sadly.

He crooks a finger under Zayn’s chin and kisses him once, twice, before saying “you know you’re everything to me, right? Like you’re worth all this and you don’t deserve me keeping you a shitty little secret, you know?”

Zayn nods; he knows he should be angry towards Liam, he should shout at him and tell him that he’s twenty years old and who cares what your parents think at this stage in your life and there’s nothing wrong with being gay but he just can’t because it’s his Liam in front of him, his Liam who just looks so scared and sorry and Zayn just loves him so much. So he tells him this and Liam lunges forward and attaches their lips and tells Zayn he loves him more than anything, that Zayn is his everything and he will tell his family when he gets home because he is so much more than a secret. And Zayn believes him.

Liam’s phone doesn’t ring again and he heads home around four to pack, promising Zayn he’ll be back around nine for the lad’s last night out. After he leaves, Zayn knows he should pack but instead rings Harry because he really fucking needs his best friend right now.

Harry answers on the second ring and yells “Wassup the Zayner?” before realising that Zayn is in fact crying quietly. Zayn hears him scrabble for his keys and within thirty seconds he’s at his door, buzzing violently until Zayn lets him in, flinging himself into his arms.

Harry steers him back into his bedroom and lies down on the bed with him, letting the shorter boy sob into his chest. Harry doesn’t ask what’s wrong, but he cards his fingers through Zayn’s fringe and tells him that it’s going to be alright over and over. After about half an hour Zayn’s sobs have become hiccups and he sits up and leans against Harry’s shoulder. He just sits there a minute before asking “when did everything become so hard?”

Harry continues to stroke his head and he says “when we became adults, I guess? When people started to matter? What’s happened, Zayn?!”

“Liam’s parents… they’re quite homophobic by the sounds of it and he accidentally let slip that he was with me and he panicked and he hung up the phone on his mum and he’s just so scared to come out and I want to tell him it’s fine, I’m happy just to be with him but his parent’s approval is just so important to him and I tried to tell him about how it’s fine but it’s just so not fine and I…” Zayn sobs again and buries himself back into Harry’s chest.

There’s a knock on the door suddenly and Zayn looks up as he hears Louis’ voice. “Zayn, mate, you okay?”

“He’s fine, Lou,” Harry calls back softly. Zayn looks up shocked, usually when Harry is in Fiercely Protective Mode he won’t talk to anybody kindly, even his own sister or mother. Harry, to his credit, has the decency to blush and shrug slightly in a “what-you-gonna-do?” manner.

“Okay, if you’re sure, I’ll be in Josh’s room if you need anything.” He coughs. “Either of you.” They hear him shuffle away and a door close down the other end of the flat. They lie there in silence for a few more before Harry whispers barely audibly “I really like him Zayn. I just don’t know what to do about it.”

“I wasn’t even aware that you talked all that much outside of nights out and stuff?” Zayn says questioningly. Harry’s blush deepens.

“We’ve, errrr, actually we’ve been sleeping together pretty regularly since fresher’s.” Zayn chokes on air.

“YOU’VE WHAT?!” Zayn all but shouts.

Harry covers his mouth with one of his large hands, one of his rings hitting Zayn’s front teeth causing Zayn to hiss out in pain and slap Harry lightly round the back of the head.

“I am your best mate and you keep a secret like this from me, you curly-haired slag?!” He pauses. “How the fuck did I not hear you?! These walls are paper fucking thin!”

“He comes up to me like three or four nights a week. It was easier that way as you’re always shacked up with lover boy in the evenings so we didn’t think you’d notice,” Harry explains, toying with his rings and not looking at Zayn. “He tends to slip out early in the mornings though, but recently we just fuck and then he leaves.”

Harry looks so crestfallen about the whole thing that Zayn switches their positions so he’s got Harry’s head cradled into his chest.

“Who knew we’d come to uni, find the potential loves of our lives on the first day and have it all go to shit in less than a term?” Zayn stops cradling Harry’s head to look him directly in the eye.

“You’re in love with him?!” he asks incredulously. Harry chuckles sadly.

“I know right. All these years I laugh at you for pining and now look what I’m doing.”

“Louis’ worth it, you know. He’s one of the greatest people I’ve ever met and I’ve not even shagged him.”

“Thank God for that, I’d have to disown you as my best mate.”

“But seriously though, tell him. I’m pretty sure he feels pretty similar. He talks about you all the time you know. I’d approve of you keeping this one.”

Harry’s face lights up. “He does?”

“You sound like a teenage girl, mate.”

Harry snorts. “Dammit Zayn, I’ve missed you and your exquisitely chiselled face, you know. Make some time for a pal, will you?”

Zayn brings Harry’s head back to his chest and cradles it some more, pressing his face into his curls and laughing quietly.

“I’ve missed you too pal. We’ve got all of Christmas though, if you’ll still have me.”

“Of course we will. My mother practically sees you as a son anyway, plus Gemma thinks you’re well fit, god knows why. Shame you’re into peen, you’d make beautiful children.”

“Harry Styles, don’t tell you me you just used the word ‘peen’ and also don’t lie, you’d never let any of your friends near Gemma!”

The pair ends up in fits of laughter and Zayn realises just how much he’s missed his best friend. Liam is great and all, but he’s never going to be a Harry.

Without them realising, they’ve been in there for well over an hour and there’s another soft knock at Zayn’s door. “Zayn, mate, I made Shepard’s Pie if you want some?”

Harry jumps to his feet, turns his head to wink at Zayn, announces there’s no time like the present and marches through the door, grabbing a very taken aback looking Louis by the collar of his denim jacket and presses him against the wall, kissing him harshly.

Louis lets out a little squeal but keeps kissing back and Zayn watches from his bed as Louis suddenly breaks the kiss, slaps Harry round the face, calls him a fucking tosser then kisses him again and again. He hears a moan that could have been either of them frankly then Josh’s door crashes open and he screams “Oh get a fucking room!” before slamming it shut and stalking into the kitchen.

Zayn hides his laughter in the back of his hand as he slips past his two friends sucking face and walks into the kitchen where Josh is digging in to a large portion of Louis’ Shepard’s Pie. “Is there something in the water here that makes everyone like cock or something?! How long has that even been a thing?!”

The two of them stare at each other for a few moments before collapsing into a fit of laughter, until tears are streaming down their cheeks. They finally hear Louis’ bedroom door open and close and Zayn groans. “I still haven’t packed and those two are going to be fucking all night and these walls are paper thin, for fuck’s sake!”

Josh grins through a mouthful of potato. Zayn helps himself to a serving and chats with Josh for a bit, before Josh heads off for a shower and he returns to his room.

He’s greeted with a shout of “God _Lou_ , how the fuck are you still so tight?!” and a long groan from Louis. He’s torn between feelings of sympathy for all the nights he and Liam have gotten off loudly with Louis next door but then he remembers how often he’s actually been with Harry and how this just feels ten times worse. He contemplates blasting some music but then he remembers it’s Harry he’s dealing with and Harry will most likely skin him afterwards if he’s interrupted.

He scrabbles around for some headphones and eventually finds them in the bottom of his sports bag, plugging them into his iPhone and turning them up as loud as he dares. He begins emptying his wardrobe into his sports bag and gets lost in singing until the song changes to his ringtone with an incoming call from Liam.

Zayn pulls the headphones out and presses ACCEPT. “Hey babe,” he breathes happily down the phone.

“Hey Zee, I’ve been buzzing for like two minutes but nobody’s answering?” Zayn immediately drops the pair of jeans he’s holding and hurries to the flat door, where Liam is standing outside looking pink from the cold and utterly gorgeous. He’s wearing one of Zayn’s t-shirts, which is slightly too tight on him but works anyway, along a dark pair of jeans and a big pea coat. When he sees Zayn he smiles brightly, hangs up the phone and drops it in his pocket and hurries forward, catching his boyfriend in a passionate embrace and a lingering kiss.

“Sorry love, I had headphones in. When you get in my room you’ll understand why.” Liam raises his eyebrow but follows Zayn into his room anyway.

The sound of next door’s moans caused Liam to blush so deeply that Zayn thought he might never return to his natural colour. Zayn sits on his bed with his back against the wall and Liam joins him a second later, shucking his coat off then burying his face into Zayn’s neck in an attempt to stifle his laughter.

What Harry and Louis sound like when they come are two sounds Zayn could have lived a long and happy life without knowing, but pretty soon Louis’ scream and Harry’s cry of “YES LOUIS YES I'M CUMMING” have been imprinted into his brain and he’s laughing so hard he’s not sure he’s ever going to stop.

“Is it safe?!” calls Josh from the hallway. Liam and Zayn laugh even harder as Louis yells “fuck off Josh you jealous cunt!” back.

Just then, Zayn’s phone buzzes with a text from Niall: _can I come down mate haz aint in and im bored x_

Zayn texts back saying _Haz having sex with Louis next door to me, come down now teasing beginning asap x_ and then stands up, grabs his bottle of vodka from the top shelf and leads Liam into the kitchen shouting “Josh, shots!”

Niall buzzes about two minutes later and he joins them in the kitchen, though not before shouting “Get in Tommo!” through the door. “Fuck off!” comes both voices as a response. Niall cackles and lugs his crate into the kitchen.

Harry and Louis finally join them about half an hour when Zayn is two beers and three shots deep, both covered in love bites and looking positively _debauched_. Josh wolf-whistles, Niall laughs loudly in between bites of cold Shepard’s Pie, Louis and Liam both blush, Harry flips them all off before sliding his hand into Louis’ and Zayn jumps up from his seat and pulls them both into a giant bear hug.

The girls come in and join them at around ten, draping themselves over Niall and Josh, who look thoroughly pleased and they head out around half eleven. Zayn is pleasantly buzzed and he’s holding hands with his favourite boy and his two best friends are in love next to him and Niall is singing Boyfriend by Justin Bieber to Josh as Josie kisses up the side of his neck and they dance all night and when the club closes Liam drags Zayn back to his bedroom and blows him until Zayn is seeing stars and they fall asleep together as they have done every night for ten weeks and the worries from earlier are all forgotten.

*

Zayn wakes up the next morning with the mother of all hangovers and a small puddle of Liam’s drool in the centre of his chest. He has to use every ounce of his strength to push his sleeping boyfriend’s heavy frame off of him so he can dash to the bathroom and vomit his guts up. He groans as he hangs onto the toilet bowl, finally gathering the energy to stand up where he heads over to the sink and starts brushing his teeth.

He has a quick shower because he’s pretty sure he smells like club and one too many cigarettes before heading back into his bedroom where Liam is sat up naked in bed, rubbing his eyes sleepily. He grins as Zayn flops onto the bed, his wet hair tickling Liam’s chin. Liam wraps his arms tightly around his hungover boyfriend and presses light kisses all over his face and shoulders, Zayn simply groaning in response.

“Why are you so sensible and not even a little bit hungover, you evil mastermind?”

Liam laughs. “You know I’ve only got one kidney babe, I can’t handle it like you can, plus someone has to keep you walking in a straight line.”

Zayn groans again and rolls over so he’s facing the wall, leaving his wet towel on Liam’s lap. Liam rolls over to big spoon him, tracing patterns into his back lightly. Liam is just nuzzling closer when there’s an almighty pounding on Zayn’s door and Harry’s voice booms through the door. “Malik! Move your exceptionally skinny arse now! I wanna beat the traffic! You better be decent in there!”

“Make him go away!” Zayn whines pitifully into Liam. “I’ll suck you off if you get rid of him, anything, please!”

Liam simply pulls Zayn under the covers just in time for Harry to burst in looking painfully cheerful for someone who hadn’t gotten home until four am. He had a bandana tied around his curls and he was wearing a band top with his trademark too-skinny jeans and desert boots and he was wearing sunglasses indoors, which added to Zayn’s list of reasons to strangle him.

“Morning Liam!” Harry all but shouts, causing Zayn to wince and roll over into Liam’s side. Liam reaches for his phone on Zayn’s bedside table and checks the time. “Shit babe, I should probably head back, don’t wanna hit traffic either.” He stands up out of bed to grab his discarded shirt from where Zayn threw it under his desk and Harry catcalls as he peers over his sunglasses.

Zayn growls from the bed and shoots Harry his best I-don’t-even-care-if-you’re-my-best-friend-I-will-still-fucking- _end_ -you look, causing Harry to raise his hands up in defeat, turn around and call “I’m leaving in twenty minutes Zayn, with or without you!” singing the last bit. Zayn hears him knock on Louis’ door then it slams behind him almost as quickly as it had opened.

Liam is fully dressed now so he walks back over to the bed and hovers over Zayn’s naked body until Zayn wraps his arms around his neck and pulls him in for a kiss. “Don’t leave. Never leave. It should be illegal for you to even be wearing a shirt,” Zayn mumbles against Liam’s lips.

Liam laughs, kisses him again and pulls away, causing Zayn to protest even louder. “Zayn, we live in the same town. I’ll see you every day, I promise we will, I’ll find a way.”  
Liam doesn’t sound entirely convinced of this himself, but Zayn is too hungover to question him on it. As Liam pulls his shoes on and goes hunting for his wallet under all the sheets and pens scattered across Zayn’s desk, Zayn pads naked over to his wardrobe and grabs a pair of boxers, a pair of sweatpants and an old t-shirt that he’s pretty sure is actually Liam’s and dresses quickly so he can bid his boyfriend a proper goodbye.

As Liam finally locates his wallet tucked in one of Zayn’s highly unorganised drawers, Zayn pulls his boyfriend in for another long kiss. “Dunno how I’m meant to sleep without you anymore,” he protests as he pulls away, pouting like a small child. “Me neither, Zee, I don’t think I could even sleep in my own bed in my own room, for crying out loud.”

  
He finally leaves, leaving Zayn feeling a bit empty. He feels even emptier when he hears Harry cry out Louis’ name from through the walls. He pulls a beanie on to hide the fact that his hair still looks like shit and pads barefoot to the bathroom to pack his shampoo and toothbrush.

Josh is walking out of the kitchen clutching a mug and a plate of toast like his life depends on it, looking as rough as Zayn does. He places them on the floor to hug Zayn goodbye and wish him a Merry Christmas before grinning slyly and pounding on Louis’ door and calling out “Merry Christmas, be safe boys!” before winking at Zayn and collecting his breakfast.

Zayn laughs and then drags his heavy sports bag out of his room then surveys it one last time. Sure he has everything, he locks it up and then heads to the kitchen to throw away the last of his perishable food. When he’s emptied the fridge and has tied up the binbag for the building’s cleaners to collect, he turns around to see Harry leaning against the door, looking incredibly smug and fucked out.

“Shall we get this show on the road?” he asks, grinning and turning around. Zayn obediently follows, says a quick goodbye to Louis (quick compared to Harry’s goodbye a few seconds after, anyway), slings his heavy bag over his shoulder and follows Harry down to his car.

The drive back is relatively painless; there isn’t that much traffic and it’s just nice to be back in Harry’s company again. They make it home as it’s just starting to get dark and Harry is bounding up the drive into his mother’s awaiting arms before Zayn’s even managed to unbuckle his seatbelt.

Anne holds Zayn close when he finally manages to manoeuvre both his and Harry’s heavy bags up to the front door. When he gets inside, a cup of tea is thrust upon him and he’s guided into the living room, where Anne and Harry and Gemma are chatting a mile a minute.

Gemma laughs loudly at the large scattering of love bites across her brother’s chest and Anne gasps and demands Zayn fills her in immediately. Zayn grins as Harry turns beet red at the mention of Louis and by the end of their conversation he’s practically burying himself into the sofa in embarrassment.

“But I definitely approve of this one, he’s good for Harry and he gets the Best Mate Seal of Approval,” Zayn finishes, winking at Harry. Anne’s smile spreads and she pulls her son into her lap, kissing his cheek before asking “now as long as you’re being safe…”

Harry’s mouth opens in horror and he struggles free of his mother’s grip and practically runs into the kitchen, calling out “more tea?” in a painfully high-pitched voice.  
“Now what about you, Zayn my lad?” Anne asks curiously. Zayn feels himself blush, which causes Anne to squeal. “I knew it, I knew it! Who is this lucky man?”

Zayn coughs nervously. “He’s called Liam, he’s from around here actually and errr, well, I just, I’m really happy.” He speaks as quietly as he can but he knows he’s smiling.

Harry’s mother and sister are both squawking excitedly like two teenagers, but then Anne stops suddenly. “Wait, his name is Liam? It wouldn’t happen to be Liam _Payne_ , would it?”

“Um, yeah, it’s him,” says Zayn questioningly, putting an inflection on the last word. Harry walks back in from the kitchen and goes to sit next to Zayn, putting a protective arm around his shoulders.

Anne’s eyebrows furrow. “I know his parents through church. They seem very conservative. They were very set on their son doing medicine but I know he isn’t which has caused some tension. They have a lot of high expectations for the boy. I can’t imagine they’d be overly fond of the fact that you’re a boy, no offence Zayn. Do they know their son is gay?”

  
“Mum!” says Harry sharply. Zayn looks down at his hands. “Well, not as such, it’s complicated…” He trails off, unsure of what to say because he knows the whole situation makes Liam look bad.

“Oh sweetie, I’m sorry, I don’t want to talk down your man, I just want to make sure you’re not going to get hurt, that’s all. You’re like my adoptive son, you know that?”  
Zayn smiles despite himself. “Thanks Anne, I know you’re only looking out for me and I appreciate it. I should probably go and call Liam actually, need to make sure he didn’t kill himself driving himself home in that piece of crap he calls a car.” He stands up to leave but Anne wraps him in a tight hug and he hugs back, grateful that he has this family that care so much for him.

He leaves Harry to catch up with his family and heads upstairs into Harry’s bedroom where he pulls his phone out of his pocket. He has three texts; one from Niall saying _didn’t get a chance to say goodbye but gna miss your face have a good hols!!! xxxx_ and two from Liam, one saying _miss you already babeeeee xxx_ and the second one saying _wanna be back with you alreadyyyyy its so shit here and im so on edge xxx_.

He lies down on Harry’s bed, types out a quick reply to Niall and then dials Liam’s number, tapping his fingers against his thigh impatiently. Liam picks up after six rings just as Zayn was beginning to wonder if he was going to answer at all and he sounds very nervous and false as he says “Hello! Let me just head upstairs and we can just properly!”

  
A few moments later Zayn hears a door shut and Liam sounds a lot more like himself as he breathes “Hey baby!” into Zayn’s ear. Zayn can’t help but grin as he replies with “Hey babe, god I _really_ fucking miss you already, I just wanted to hear your voice.”

Zayn can hear Liam smiling. “You sap. But me too babe, my GOD it’s been so stressful being back and I’ve only been back an hour. They keep asking me if I’m ill because of how I hung up on them yesterday, I feel so awkward and I nearly told them but I couldn’t do it, I’m sorry…” He’s babbling already like he does when he’s really upset and Zayn just wants to run to his house and pull him into his arms.

“Ssssshhh, Li, ssssshhh stop stressing yourself out, it’s going to be okay. Nobody is forcing you to tell them until you’re ready. If you’re not ready then don’t force it. I know you love me and that’s all that matters in the great scheme of things, am I right?”

“I do, I do love you, I'm so glad I get to call you my boyfriend and I wouldn’t be able to…” Zayn doesn’t get to hear the end of the sentence because Liam’s bedroom door crashes open and a child’s voice start chanting “LiLi has a boyfriend! Everybody, LiLi has a boyfriend with a silly name and he said a naughty word!”

“Shit, Jamie, no, shit, shit,” Liam’s cursing and sounding more and more panicked by the second. “Zayn I’ve gotta go, shit, okay I love you so much, bye.” The phone clicks off and Zayn is left staring at his home screen in a cringing panic.

This is all his fault. If he’d just texted Liam instead of fucking ringing him just to be selfish then he wouldn’t have fucking outed him to a child (who even is that child?) and now Liam is going to get into so much shit and it’s Christmas in less than a week and he’s just so-

“Zayn?” Harry says from the doorway. Zayn looked up, his face drained of colour, unsure that he could find his voice.

“I have…” he manages to struggle out. Harry bundles him into his arms as he begins to shake. “I think I have to go to Liam’s. Or I just… I think, something bad’s happened Haz.”

  
“Explain, Malik.” Harry’s voice leaves no room for argument so Zayn tries as best he can to form coherent sentences. When he’s finished he pauses and takes a deep breath. “I don’t want, he can’t, he shouldn’t (“breathe Zayn man, _please_ ”) he shouldn’t lose his family over me,” he almost whispers.

“No he shouldn’t but it doesn’t mean he won’t. Fuck Zayn, fuck, you of all people should know that blood does not run thicker than water!” Harry squawks out exasperatedly, slapping Zayn lightly across the head. Zayn doesn’t reply, he just buries his face into Harry’s chest and sobs because it’s just all too much, being back and people caring and loving Liam and he just loves Harry so much because he’s never left him and he doesn’t know why because everyone else fucking has.

Zayn sobs and sobs until Harry’s shirt is completely drenched but he clings onto his best friend and mumbles things to him like “none of this is your fault you know” and “this place is a hole full of ignorant fuckers, thank the lord we’ve left.” After what feels like an eternity, Zayn sniffles and wipes his eyes on the backs of his hands. Harry pulls his shirt off and pulls Zayn in for a cuddle and the two just lie there until Zayn asks “why couldn’t we just fall in love with each other?”

Harry’s deep booming laugh echoes around the room and eventually Zayn laughs along with him, because he doesn’t actually want to fall in love with Harry, ew no, it would be like falling in love with his brother, for fuck’s sake. They laugh until their chests hurt and Zayn feels a lot better because he knows he’ll always have Harry and that is a comfort.

  
Anne calls them down for dinner around half seven. Zayn pockets his phone before heading down but there are currently no further messages from Liam. This makes Zayn feel nervous but he’s quite frankly too scared to text him right now.

*  
Liam doesn’t call during dinner though. He doesn’t call while Zayn, Harry and Gemma are curled up on the sofa watching Harry Potter on ITV. He doesn’t call when they’re up chatting until half 11 before Anne heads to bed. In fact, he doesn’t call until six am the next morning.

Zayn feels his phone vibrate under his pillow where he stuffed it the night before. It wakes him gently and he wonders what’s going on for a few seconds until reality hits him and he thrusts his hand under Harry’s head and pulls it out, pressing ACCEPT without even looking because only one person would be calling him at this time.

“Babe?” he says into the receiver as quietly as possible. Harry groans and rolls over, burying his head deeper into his pillow. “Shit Zayn, did I wake you?”

Zayn rolls his eyes because it’s six am and of course Liam fucking woke him but now isn’t the time for that. “Yeah but it doesn’t matter. Are you okay?” He tries not to sound too frantic.

“I’ve, um, I’ve been better. I know it’s early and I’m so sorry but I needed, I need you. Can I… can I come pick you up? I’ll buy you breakfast or something?”

  
Zayn’s already sliding down to the foot of the bed so he can get out without waking Harry. “Yeah babe, anything you need. Harry lives at 89 Thatcher Road, I’ll wait out the front for you.” Liam’s murmuring “thank you thank you thank you thank you” over and over again so Zayn hushes him, tells him he loves him and explains the sooner he stops thanking him the sooner he can pick Zayn up.

Ten minutes later Zayn is stood outside in the freezing cold in one of Harry’s hoodies and a pair of Liam’s sweatpants. It’s still dark and the only sign of life is a few windows showing people switching on bathroom and bedroom lights to head to work. Liam’s beaten up old car pulls up after Zayn has been waiting a minute or so, jumping from foot to foot to try and stay warm.

He scrambles into the passenger seat and Liam lunges for him. It’s only been twenty four hours but Zayn can’t believe how much he’s missed his boy and holds him tight, kissing him with everything he has. He pulls away when he feels the hot tears hitting his cheeks and he holds Liam’s shoulders in his hands, kissing away each individual tear from his cheeks, his nose, his eyes.

The angle is awkward in the car but somehow Zayn manages to stay holding Liam firmly, pressing their foreheads together and breathing hotly against each other’s mouths.

  
“I… I told them,” Liam chokes out. “I told them and…” He’s crying all over again, hot tears and loud sobs echoing throughout the whole car. Zayn struggles to hold him at this angle, so gets out the car and walks round to Liam’s side. He unbuckles him gently and coaxes him out the car and into Harry’s house with a gentle “c’mon babe, let’s get you into the warm.”

He sits Liam down on one of the high chairs at Harry’s kitchen’s island, closing the door to keep it as quiet as possible and fills the kettle. As it’s boiling, he heads upstairs as quietly as he can to Harry’s room and grabs the first hoodie he comes across, which turns out to be one he stole from Liam anyway, and a thick pair of socks before slipping back  
downstairs. He makes two cups of tea, strong with milk and two sugars the way he knows Liam likes it and leads his still silent boyfriend into the lounge.

He sets the drinks down onto the coffee table and thrusts the clothes at Liam insistently, who dresses without questioning. Zayn grabs a thick blanket from the corner of the armchair and sits Liam down on the longest sofa, wrapping them both in the warm fabric and pulls Liam’s head onto his chest, wrapping both his arms around his wide shoulders. Liam’s cold hands clasp over the top of Zayn’s desperately and Zayn brings one to his mouth, peppering it with light kisses.

They both lie there in silence for a while, just simply being with each other, when Liam says “I didn’t realise the whole family was going to be round. I didn’t know…” His voice cracks and Zayn kisses the top of his head, not forcing him to continue.

A few minutes later he does. “Jamie, my cousin, he heard me on the phone to you. And he ran downstairs and kept shouting it. I guess my face gave it away because they were all looking at me… differently I guess is the only word to describe it. My father asked me and I couldn’t say no so I didn’t. And these family, they all just stayed until about midnight and hardly anybody would talk to me. Well, apart from Jamie, but he just kept asking me what it was like to kiss a boy.”

Zayn can’t help but snort a laugh at that. Liam grips his hand a little tighter before continuing. “And then they left. And my dad, he just, he just…” He pauses for a few seconds to stop a fresh wave of tears from falling. “He just wouldn’t stop yelling. Said he’d worked so hard to make me good. Said he hadn’t paid for all my fancy tutors and all my football lessons and swimming lessons for me to end a _fucking faggot teacher_!” He spits out the last few words as if they’re poisonous.

Zayn flinches and pulls Liam snugger to him.

  
“So I told him that thank _fuck_ I’ve got my student loan so he’s not paying for my fancy fucking uni tuition so I can do what I want and be happy with who I am because nobody is going to stop that. And my mum agreed with me on that, thank God! She and my dad ended up fighting and I ended up hiding in my eldest sister’s room for a bit. The fighting died down around fiveish. Mum ended up forcing dad to sleep on the sofa. Fuck Zayn, I just, I had to get out of there and I needed you because I’m doing this for you, for us and I love you so much it hurts, you know?”

Zayn shifts their position so they’re lying face to face where he cups Liam’s face in his hand and presses their lips together. “I love you too, you beautiful perfect boy. Now do you want to try and get some sleep? Because no offence babe but you look a little bit like shit.”

Liam finally grins, presses a kiss into Zayn’s lips once more and he’s already asleep by the time Zayn kisses back. Zayn ends up falling asleep soon after, their drinks forgotten and everything around him just so Liam.

He’s woken at around half ten to a whispering Harry and a whispering Gemma who may as well not be whispering as they argue about whether to wake them or not. “It doesn’t matter anymore because you’ve succeeded, you bastards,” he groans, burying his face into Liam’s hair. As Liam doesn’t have much hair, this proves pretty redundant and ends up just waking him up more. He blinks and looks up at both Styles siblings, grinning over them.

“I hope for my mother’s sake you didn’t have sex on this sofa,” Gemma drawls.

“’Course we bloody didn’t, you foul minded girl,” Zayn snorts indignantly. He suddenly realises how much he needs to pee and attempts to untangle himself from Liam and the blanket but Liam grips him tighter and moans into his stomach.

“Liam, babe,” he purrs, kissing his hand that’s still tightly interlocked with Zayn’s. “Please babe, I need a piss.” Liam practically whines as Zayn gently slips out and Harry readjusts the fallen blanket as Liam starts to shiver from the loss of body warmth.

Zayn pisses and rests his head against his hand, stressed on Liam’s behalf. It’s only four days until Christmas, after all. He washes his hands and heads back into the living room where Liam is sitting up on the sofa, this time crying gently into Gemma’s shoulder. Gemma stands up slowly when she sees Zayn is back, allowing him to slip carefully into her place, pulling the blanket around them again and just letting Liam cry.

Harry’s sat in the armchair and he shoots Zayn a puzzled yet concerned look, to which Zayn mouths “explain later.” Harry jumps up and sits the other side of Liam, rubbing soothing circles into his back while he cries into Zayn’s side, Zayn gripping his hand and kissing his forehead over and over.

Gemma makes them endless cups of tea and rounds of cheese on toast and Anne stands worriedly in the doorway to her living room, looking confused as to when her home became a shelter for runaway teenage homosexuals. She doesn’t comment after both Harry and Zayn send her warning glances and Zayn reminds himself once more why he’s so grateful for the existence of the Styles family.

It’s getting dark again when Liam announces that he probably should go back home. Zayn opens his mouth to protest or even offer to go with him but Liam just shakes his head. “I need to face them alone. My dad’ll go mental, hell he probably is going mental because he’s probably figured I’m with you.”

Zayn walks him to the door and the second Liam has finished pulling on his shoes and coat Zayn grabs him by the collar and kisses him like it could be their last. Liam smiles sadly as he pulls back, whispers an “I love you” then walks out the front door calling out “Thank you very much for having me over, Mrs. Cox!” Typical bloody Liam.

  
He puts his face in his hands as he hears Liam’s rickety old car start, a thousand awful scenarios running riot in his head, until Harry snaps him out of his trance: “Liam kisses with too much tongue.”

Zayn snorts. “Speaking from experience, are you?” he snaps back harsher than intended. Harry holds up his hands.

“Hey, I’m just saying. But that’s not important right now, babe, what the fuck just happened?!”

Zayn walks back into the living room and flops back onto the sofa, grabbing the blanket and wrapping it tightly round himself (it smells like Liam now). Harry sits down next to him, looking at him with wide expectant eyes.

“I… He told his parents about us. Well actually, his younger cousin heard us on the phone and he outed us. And Liam’s dad went batshit crazy and called him a fucking faggot and tells him over and over again that he’s a disappointment and FUCK, it just makes me so mad because he had his whole life planned and now he’s rebelled and it’s too much and I just love him so much that it’s almost too much to see him go through this for us, for me.” He sniffs.

“Maybe he isn’t doing it for you. He shouldn’t be doing it for you anyway,” is Harry’s response. Zayn raises his eyebrows indignantly. “Cheers pal, means a lot that does, Jesus fucking Christ.”

  
Harry rolls his eyes. “Don’t be so selfish, you twat. Maybe Liam needs to do it for himself is my point. If he’s going to blow his parents off he might as well do it properly, show them exactly how great his life is now he’s in charge of it for once. Jeeeeez, you _are_ antsy today.”

“Can you blame me?!” Zayn snaps back and then shakes his head. “No I’m sorry Haz, I am, I just didn’t sleep very well last night.”

“I know, you’re a kicker in your sleep, you little shit. As a result, I slept beautifully.” Zayn has to laugh at that. “Now come on, I’ve gotta Skype Louis and for some reason that little pixie is also quite attached to you and he wants to say hi.” They stand up and head upstairs and do indeed spend the evening Skyping Louis, although Zayn retreats from the desk and plugs his headphones in when their flirty and frankly much too dirty talk gets too much.

Zayn doesn’t hear from Liam for the rest of the day, nor does he hear from him the next day. In fact, he doesn’t hear from him until Christmas Eve. It’s Louis’ birthday, so Zayn has been avoiding Harry’s room like the plague for fear of phone/Skype sex and instead spends the day cooking things for Christmas Day with Anne. Harry’s stepdad got back from a business trip last night so is upstairs catching up on sleep and Gemma is out doing last minute shopping, so Anne and Zayn are undisturbed.

Zayn is mixing a bowl of icing for a chocolate cake when Anne breaks the comfortable silence. “Zayn, my love, you know I think of you as my own son, don’t you?”

  
He’s taken aback by the sudden declaration but he nods slowly. Anne takes the bowl out of his hands and sets it down on the island, taking his hands in her own. “I really do, though and I want you to know that this house is as much your home as it is Harry’s. I’m so sorry that it’s not your real mother telling you this and it isn’t fair, but you are a wonderful young boy and you’re going to go far and I am immensely proud of all you’ve achieved. And I’m glad you’ve finally got your boy, because from what Harry’s told me over the years he’s pretty much been your one and only since year seven.”

Zayn snorts and flushes red and squeezes Anne’s hands as a way of saying thank you. She pulls him into a tight hug and then pulls away, placing her hands on his shoulders and holding him at arm’s length.

“From what I gathered yesterday, neither of you have it easy. I’m not going to judge what you have because it’s clear from the way he looks at you that he cares for you more than I’d realised. I was just worried that you were letting years of crushing cloud your judgement but now I know you’re not and I’m proud of you for that too Zayn. He’s good for you, you’re good for each other and he’s welcome here anytime.”

Zayn hugs her again tightly because she’s just spoken more heartfelt words to him in that one conversation than he thinks his father ever has. He kisses her forehead and says “I love you mum” and by the time Harry’s joined them in the kitchen they’re both sobbing messes again.

“Bloody hell!” groans Harry but pulls the three of them into a family hug, chuckling as he towers above them.

Later, as Anne’s serving up their dinner of chicken risotto and Harry and Gemma are singing a duet of I’m Dreaming of a White Christmas, Zayn unlocks his phone and scans through the fifty-six unanswered texts he’s sent to Liam and wonders if there’s any point sending anymore. The answer to that question comes about an hour later, as he’s stacking the dishwasher.

The doorbell rings and Gemma answers it with a gasp. “Shit, Liam!” she practically shouts. Zayn hastily puts down the plate he was scraping clean down and steps into the living room. Liam is standing there in nothing but a t-shirt and jeans, a large black eye blooming starkly against his winter-pale skin. Despite that, he’s looking chirpier than Zayn’s seen him in ages so he wastes no time in rushing across to pull Liam into his arms.

“I told him Zayn, I told him and he hit me and I’m okay with that because I told him and there’s nothing he can do about it!” Liam is buzzing with excitement and pulls Zayn down for a movie star-esque kiss, causing Harry to fake gag and Gemma to jump up and down and clap her hands in excitement.

Zayn isn’t sure he can form sentences because he’s so shocked. “But…” he says dumbly. He looks around wildly as if he’s hoping the words will just pop into his head. Finally he manages to struggle out “Christmas?”

“I’m going to be home for Christmas dinner, but until then I have a surprise for you. For us. Can I borrow this one until tomorrow noon?” Liam asks Harry, his arms wrapping tightly around Zayn’s waist.

There’s a sudden gasp from the doorway. “Liam, dear!” cries Anne. “Harry, fetch him some peas for his eye now, you useless boy!”

Liam grins. “It’s fine, honestly, but thank you so much Mrs. Cox. Anyway, is it okay if I borrow Zayn until tomorrow? He’ll be back in time for dinner, I promise you.”

Anne is still fretting over Liam’s eye (“you really should ice that thing, it’s going to sting if you close it for too long, has it been leaking?!”) so Gemma practically shoos them out the front door. “Stay safe!” she chirps, winking.

“Shit! Waaaaait!” shouts Zayn, pushing the door back open and rushing up the stairs. He empties his backpack onto Harry’s bed and throws some fresh boxers, his deodorant, Liam’s badly wrapped Christmas presents and a hoodie into it. He stops by the bathroom and grabs his toothbrush, hurries back down the stairs, presses a quick kiss into Anne’s cheek, ignores both Harry’s and Gemma’s catcalling and pulls Liam towards his car, grinning wider than he has in weeks.

Liam presses him up against the car door and kisses him like his life depends on it. When they finally break apart and Zayn scrambles into the passenger seat, he sees Liam’s smashed up iPhone sitting in the cup holder. Liam sees where he’s looking and looks kind of sheepish.

“My dad trod on it to try and stop me talking to you. I can see your texts but it’s too cracked for me to unlock it, I’m so sorry.”

“There’s no need to apologise for that, God Liam, fuck.” Liam kisses him once more before he starts up the car and as they drive, he starts explaining the past few days to Zayn.

  
“So basically after I left you I went driving for a while just to clear my head. If anything, just spending that day with you proved to me that you’re who I want to be with, no questions. And I know it’s clichéd as hell because we’re only twenty and it’s only been three months but I love you so much that I can’t ever see myself wanting anyone else. So I went home and calmly explained this to my parents.

I told them that your name was Zayn and you’re from around here and you’re studying to be an art teacher and you’re bloody gorgeous and I’d fancied you since about year ten and that this definitely isn’t a phase and all that stuff and my mum says she’s knows who you are because she saw some of your artwork in the local paper and she was pretty much sold on you then.” Zayn’s smile widens.

Liam sighs. “But then my dad was saying stuff about how he’s heard rumours about you in the community and how you’re a rebellious shit who ran out on your family.” Zayn freezes. “And I told him that he doesn’t know jack shit about anything and people who believe rumours are petty ignorant children.” Zayn steadies his breathing and hooks his hand over Liam’s on the gearstick.

“Well naturally that didn’t go down too well. And we didn’t speak again until about two hours ago because I was upstairs in my room planning this surprise thing for us both.” He pauses to grin over at his boyfriend. “And he came into my room to talk to me about Christmas Day. And I said I was spending tonight and tomorrow morning with people I love. Well specifically, the person I love.”

He untangles his fingers from Zayn’s to change gears. “And that went down about as well as you could expect. Dragged me into the living room to ask my mum if she knew about that. And she asked him why he suddenly cared so much about what I was doing on a family holiday when three days ago he was calling me a fucking faggot. So he punched me in the face and stalked back into his office. Mum was crying but she told me to go get you. So here we are.” He smiles sheepishly at Zayn as they pull up into a car park.

Zayn pulled his backpack out from under his feet and got out of the car. They were stood in front of a Premier Inn just on the outskirts of town. Liam grins as he pulls his own bag off the backseat.

“I know it’s not much but it’s all I could find available on Christmas Eve.” He walks around to Zayn’s side of the car and interlocks their fingers. “I couldn’t sleep properly without you and I’ve just been doing all this thinking and I know that now… Now I’m ready to sleep with you properly.”

“That’s a horrible line,” Zayn smirks. “Did you really expect that to get me into bed?”

“Yes,” Liam deadpans. Zayn chuckles as he pulls him in for a kiss which is over all too quickly for his liking as Liam drags him up the stairs towards the entrance.

  
“Room booked for Payne,” Liam says breathlessly to the girl behind the desk, pulling Zayn closer to his side.

The girl smiles knowingly as she hands over the room card-key, tells them they need to check out before noon and calls a “Merry Christmas!” after them as they rush towards the lift. “You too!” Liam calls back, although his mouth is pressed against Zayn’s so it comes out kind of muffled. Typical bloody Liam.

Zayn doesn’t remember a lift ride ever taking longer in his life and he’s definitely on the wrong side of hard to be in public right now. They practically sprint down the hallway to their bedroom and as Liam fumbles with the key card Zayn grinds into his ass and whispers “gonna make you feel so good Li.”

Liam hisses and nearly drops the key card but they’re finally inside and Liam pushes Zayn down onto the bed straight away, sitting him up so he can slide his leather jacket from his shoulders and rip his t-shirt from his body.

Zayn struggles to kick off his shoes from under Liam’s heavy weight but he manages, his hands struggling to find a place to fit. Liam jumps off him suddenly and stands up from the bed, kicking off his own shoes and pulling his socks off before grabbing his backpack and digging around in there until he produces a bottle of lube.

Zayn is currently shimmying out of his own jeans as Liam returns to the bed and tosses the lube in the direction of the pillows, perching himself on top of Zayn and kissing him over and over. Zayn is fully hard now and definitely not below begging.

“Fuck, Li, please, touch me, please!”

Liam suddenly flips him over in an alarming display of confidence and pulls Zayn’s boxers off in one swift motion, causing Zayn to groan at the momentary friction against his aching cock.

Zayn looks behind him to see what Liam is doing and hopes to _god_ he doesn’t just try to stick it in without prepping him first but then Liam buries his head between Zayn’s ass cheeks and Zayn loses the ability to speak.

Liam’s hands work to spread his cheeks apart as he kitten-licks over Zayn’s hole before turning his tongue into a point and probing deeper into the ring of muscle. He alternates between the two motions until Zayn thinks he might die and he’s garbling all kinds of incoherent crap into the pillow.

Suddenly, Liam is pressing a single kiss over his entrance and climbing up Zayn’s body, flipping him over and kissing him. Zayn tastes himself and Liam and he moans at how filthy hot this is; he’d never pegged Liam to be one for rimming, not in the slightest.

Zayn’s hands fumble in the sheets for the lube and he presses the bottle into Liam’s hand, saying “you need to prep me babe, I wanna ride you, wanna see you.” Liam nods quickly, looking nervous as hell but Zayn trusts him not to hurt him, so he shuffles up the bed and gets on his hands and knees in an attempt to make it as easy as possible for him.

Liam fumbles with the bottle of lube but eventually gets his fingers slicked up and brings one up to Zayn’s hole, circling it a few times before pressing in. Zayn shudders and presses firmly back, rocking gently back and forth to encourage Liam to move it.

Liam does just that, then a couple of minutes later he’s adding a second, then a third. He finally, finally, brushes over Zayn’s prostate and he keens, leaning forward to bury his face in the pillow again.

Liam is apparently fascinated by this reaction and does it again and Zayn’s legs nearly give way. He gathers the strength from somewhere and pulls his head up moaning “God Liam I need you inside me right now, for fuck’s sake!”

He nods frantically and slides as delicately as he can towards Zayn, lying on his back and grabbing the bottle of lube, slicking his cock up before pulling Zayn closer to him, one had on Zayn’s hip and one holding his cock in place. Zayn allows himself to be guided down onto Liam’s dick and sinks down inch by inch. It hurts (it has been a while) but he’s easily distracted from the pain by the way Liam is looking up at him in such awe and pure pleasure and love.

Zayn waits until he’s fully seated before pulling Liam up for a kiss. They kiss hungrily and lazily until the need to move gets too much and he begins to bounce gently. Liam still looks shocked until his body takes over and he’s fucking up into Zayn, trying to find a rhythm.

Zayn puts his hands on Liam’s chest to support him and Liam mirrors him, intertwining one of his hands in his own and places the other hand on his hip for support. He’s making these little uh uh uh noises that are driving Zayn crazy.

“Fuck Li, you look so good like this, so beautiful underneath me, so gorgeous, can’t believe I’m the only one to see you like this, love you, love you, love you.”

Liam is speeding up his thrusts, clearly close. Zayn isn’t sure how he’s managed to hold on for so long but then Liam’s hand moves from his own to his dick and it takes fewer than five tugs to have Zayn coming all over Liam’s chest with a shout.

Liam comes soon after with a cry of Zayn's name, shooting his load inside of Zayn who whimpers at a combination of the feeling and the oversensitivity. Liam is panting heavily and Zayn can’t help but collapse on top of him, too tired to remain upright any longer.

“Shit, Zayn, shit!” Liam manages to get out. A second later he’s rolling over so his face is level with Zayn’s dopey grinning one. Liam presses his lips gently onto Zayn’s before rolling over and padding naked to the bathroom. He comes back a few moments later with a wet flannel, wiping the cum from his chest before flopping back on the bed and cleaning up Zayn as best he can.

He tosses the flannel onto the floor and bundles Zayn into his arms. Zayn places an open-mouthed kiss onto his chest before smiling up at him.

“That was the greatest thing I’ve ever done,” Liam says dopily. “I’m so fucking glad it was with you Zayn, I really am and I love you, god you have no idea how much I love you.”

Zayn just grins and kisses his chest again. Liam tightens his arms around him and flicks off the light above their bed and despite the fact it’s only nine in the evening neither of them have slept particularly well the past week. They drift off happily, the sound of rain gently hitting the windows, feeling elated and happy and safe and together.

**EPILOGUE**

  
“Come on man, stop dicking around, we have a plane to catch!” Louis’ voice echoed through the whole airport terminal but you could hear the smile in his voice.

Zayn tugs on Liam’s arm in an attempt to drag him away from the sweet aisle of the airport shop. “Babe, you know the flight is literally an hour. We have more than enough.”

  
Liam, Zayn, Josh, Harry and Louis were flying over to Ireland to spend five weeks in Niall’s family’s cottage somewhere in the middle of nowhere and Zayn could hardly wait. He hadn’t seen Niall in three weeks because he’d flown back over to Ireland as soon as term finished and he’d gone back home to Harry’s for a bit and he missed the blonde boy more than he’d like to admit.

It hadn’t been an easy few months, but it had gotten easier. The six lads had all elected to live together in a small house near their uni campus for their second year, which was much cheaper than living in halls and Liam would be close by all the time, so Zayn was incredibly excited to move in after they returned from Ireland.  
Liam was allowed home during the Easter and the start of the summer holidays. His father and him didn’t speak and Zayn was not allowed inside the house but he’d been introduced to Liam’s mother and sisters at a coffee shop in town and they got on well.

Both Zayn and Liam had found jobs upon their return to uni so they could save some money for their own place eventually; Zayn working in an art shop selling his own artwork on occasion and Liam working at one of the campus bars. It wasn’t ideal as they had had less time for each other but they both knew that wouldn’t matter so much when they were living under the same roof.

“For fuck’s sake, come on you two!” calls Josh and suddenly Harry is beside them, frog-marching Liam out of the shop before he can protest. The signs are flashing LAST CALL FOR 12:15 TO DUBLIN and they practically have to run to make it in time.

When they get on the plane, it’s near empty but the hostess shows them to their seats anyway.

“Great, do I sit next to gross couple one or gross couple two?” groans Josh indignantly, looking between the two pairs of boys where the taller of each couple had his arm around the shorter’s waist.

“Li and I are probably your safest bet, to be fair,” points out Zayn. “And may I just point out that I walked in on you having sex with Josie on our shared kitchen counter, so _never again_ can you not claim to be part of a gross couple.”

Josh just grins and sticks out his tongue before he settles into his seat, pulling a copy of Heat magazine out of his backpack and ignoring the wet sounds coming from Harry and Louis on his other side.

The pilot’s voice sounds over the speakers and the plane jolts to life, driving slowly towards the runway. Zayn’s hand finds Liam’s and he grips so tightly that Liam has to try and peel his fingers off.

“Zayn, babe, it’s only an hour you know,” he says teasingly. Zayn tenses. “I know, I know but still, it’s over water and it’s so high up and so many things could go wrong and…”

Liam pulls him into a rough kiss that clearly says “shut up and stop over-thinking.” Zayn ignores Josh’s groan on his other side and focuses on kissing back, kissing the boy he loves before they head off on this holiday with the best friends he’s ever had and it’s not perfect and probably never will be but right now Zayn knows there isn’t a thing he would change, not now, not ever, because he’s currently, finally, and hopefully permanently in the arms of Liam fucking Payne.

**Author's Note:**

> [tumblr tumblr tumblr](http://bigdaddypayne.tumblr.com)
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> oh, and i like comments and kudos a lot.
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